


gravity

by pallavens



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Magical Realism, if that makes any sense, it's a college au but magic happens, it's just.... i have no idea how to properly tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:44:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallavens/pseuds/pallavens
Summary: Daniel is an ordinary boy, living an ordinary life, filled with uneventful events and things that are not all that special — except for one thing: he is cursed.It’s a very simple curse, really. Almost laughably cliché. The curse goes like this:The first person he falls in love with is doomed to die.





	gravity

**Author's Note:**

> i've tagged this fic with major character death just to be safe. it's not... what it seems, though. not really that. but with that being said, I hope you proceed with caution!
> 
> i hope you guys will enjoy it!

Daniel is an ordinary boy, living an ordinary life, filled with uneventful events and things that are not all that special — except for one thing:

  
Daniel’s mother is psychic. Just like all the other women on his mother’s side of the family.   
  
But other than that, Daniel has led, up to this point, a pretty chill and normal life. Sort of.   
  
He was born on a rainy day just like his grandmother had foretold.    
He hurt his knee while playing catch by the age of five just like his mother had foretold.   
At the age of six, he ate so much strawberry ice cream he puked for a whole night and never ate strawberry ice cream ever again, just like his aunt had foretold (though Daniel is sure this has nothing to do with her being psychic and more to do with her just having some sort of common sense).   
And then his father died when he was eight-years-old just like his grandmother had foretold.    
  
Well, okay. Maybe not all that normal.   
  
He should find all of this weird, probably. But when you live with magic, this ordinary sort of magic, since you’re so young, you can’t help but end up finding it ordinary, even when you’re the One person in the house who has absolutely no sort of magical power. Daniel couldn’t see ghosts like his grandmother, he couldn’t see the future like his mother, he couldn’t give prophecies like his great-aunt. When he looked into the Tarot cards his mother would spread across the table he saw simple pictures, not omens. He’s never felt the energies or vibrations of the earth, he’s never understood what a star sign was  —  what the hell does being a Sagittarius even mean?   
  
And that’s how Daniel grows up: amidst everything magical and weird, in a house where his mother would just  _ know _ . From a young age, Daniel learned that being honest was better than lying, for all of them would know. He learned that the future is not singular nor set in stone, that there’s many of them, a chaotic set of lines that his mother carefully treads with. He grows up to people coming to his house on weekends, eyes careful and desperate as his mother and grandmother put them at ease them with calm words or bring them even worse news. But they barely foresee his future. At least when it comes to serious things, like prophecies. It’s respectful, his mother says. He deserves his privacy.   
  
Until one day.   
  
Daniel is twelve and he’s helping his mother clean the room after a session with a crying couple that wanted to talk with their lost child. His mother touches the bowl — a bowl filled with black water that they put in the center of the table, surrounded by crystals — and suddenly she goes stiff, eyes turning white. Daniel stares at her, half annoyed by the divine intervention, half scared. It doesn’t matter how many times he sees this, it’s still a bit terrifying; as if a ghost could come out of her at any given second and scare him.   
  
But all she does is speak.   
And that’s how Kang Daniel finds out that, just like all the women in his family, he’s cursed.   
  
It’s the same curse. The same curse his grandmother heard from her own mother, the same curse his mother heard from his grandmother, and now here he is. The curse that once his mother comes back to her senses, opening her eyes, makes her look at him absolutely terrified, makes her cry, hug him, ask him for forgiveness. “I thought that maybe because you were a boy, it’d be different” she says, and Daniel just nods. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s too young to even understand what that means. What does a young boy like him know about love and curses?    
  
It’s in their family, his grandmother says, and Daniel believes it. It happened to her, and her mother, and her mother’s mother.    
  
It’s a very simple curse, really. Almost laughably cliché.    
  
The first person he falls in love with is doomed to die.    
  
-   
  
It’s not an easy thing, to grow up cursed. It’s not like having a weird mole on his thigh (which he does) or just being slightly awkward when talking to strangers (which he also is), but rather, it’s something that marks him for his whole life. Daniel grows up finding it hard to get close to people or to allow them to be close. Except for one person, for one friend. But Jisung has always been and will always be the exception for every single one of Daniel’s rules. That’s just how special he is.   
  
The first time they met, Daniel was eleven and had almost drowned himself in the ocean while swimming. He woke up to his mother crying and a very wet and very worried older boy looking at him with furrowed brows.   
  
“Are you okay, kid?” Jisung had asked, and all Daniel could think about was how funny his nose looked.   
  
They’ve been inseparable ever since.   
  
Or, more specifically, Daniel clung to the poor teenager like a koala. Daniel didn’t really have a brother figure (or any male figure in his life for that matter), and Jisung filled that space quickly with his humor, witty jokes and the way he always treated him with so much care. His mother became fond of Jisung quickly and for a while he’d be in their home than more often than he’d be in his own, staying for days and days. All Daniel knew back then was that Jisung had a “complicated family situation”. He never asked much about it until one day Jisung told him. It turned out that having a father wasn’t always as good as Daniel had fantasized about.   
  
So Jisung is family, simple as that. It isn’t even about being his friend anymore, or his best friend, Jisung is his brother, his only brother. It’s that easy.    
  
This is also is why when Jisung leaves to college at the age of 19 after a whole year of studying his ass off, a 14 year-old Daniel cries himself to sleep and then promises that he’ll follow.    
  
And follow he does.   
  
He moves into Jisung’s tiny apartment near their college by the time he’s 20, and and it’s been two years since that. Two years since he joined college a.k.a. the Land of Doom. At first he had found it hard to make friends, even more so with Jisung being as busy as a full-fledged med student. Everything is different, odd, all too distant from the life he used to live back when he was still in his mother’s house, all too normal.   
  
But summer vacations always mean going back to his mother’s home, and it’s on a summer Sunday afternoon that this story truly begins.   
  
The two of them are together as usual, lying on the ground of Daniel’s living room while watching TV while eating, bare feet in the air, when suddenly Jisung turns around, looking at him with bewilderment.   
  
“We didn’t check the book this year,” he says and Daniel opens his eyes wide, surprised at their own forgetfulness. He’s right.   
  
Daniel’s grandmother goes to a church nearby at midnight every beginning of a year. She sits there and listens to the sound of souls that will soon depart from this world. They come to her, one by one, pass by the church door and then disappear as they whisper their name to her, and she writes one by one on her notebook. It’s a specific day, and it’s a specific job, at a specific church. Daniel knows very little about it since it creeps the hell out of him. He’s used to readings and predictions, but watching the dead while they whisper him their name? No, thank you, that sounds excessive.  But she always went, and she was famous around town for it. Many people paid her for the information, even if practically no one in that city believed in psychics. Or at least not publicly.   
  
But as much as Daniel hates that whole shady business, he and Jisung had made a little tradition of sneaking around the house, a little habit out of going to his grandmother’s room and checking the book with the names of the people who would die that year. At first, when they were younger they’d make a whole spy-like scene out of the whole thing, but now they just walk in, pick it, though still checking behind their shoulders, scared they’ll get caught. 

  
“Check if I’m there,” Jisung says, sits by his side and Daniel opens the book in the year 2017. “I have a feeling I’ll die this year. I just know it.”   
  
“Yes, because if she saw your spirit wandering around that stupid church she wouldn’t have started crying as soon as she saw you today,” Daniel replies, laughing. They carefully check the names, saying them out loud sometimes. It feels ominous and that’s the whole fun of it. He knows, of course he knows he wouldn’t be there. If he was about to die he’d know, they’d have told them. But even so they still go around the list with bated breath, eyes scanning the names with racing hearts.   
  
“Look at this one,” Jisung says, giggling, “Ong Seongwoo. Ong. Poor kid must’ve heard so much shit in school.”   
  
“Kid. You say as if he’s young, he’s probably some old man.”   
  
“Oh God,” Jisung says, looking at him with pity, “Daniel, my angel, people do die young, you know that, right?”   
  
Daniel glares at him. “Shut up.”   
  
“What? Talking about your own finitude makes you anxious?” Jisung presses on, laughing, and Daniel hits him with the book.    
  
It’s no surprise that death is not a subject he enjoys. but honestly, he wonders if there’s a single person in this world who enjoys talking about death. Maybe Jisung, a soon-to-be doctor, who likes to pretend death is just part of his job but cries himself to sleep every time he loses a patient. Death, for Daniel, is just  _ too _ present, always a step ahead of him, because it’s a part of him, it’s his curse. He can’t fall in love unless he’s ready to kill.   
  
He sighs. And then he chuckles.   
  
Ong is indeed a funny last name, though.

 

-

 

Classes are back before he can rest properly, and soon enough Daniel is back in the same routine that has him crying for help every night and wondering if he should just go enlist to the army soon so he could at least catch a break. However, every time he voices that wish out loud, it makes Jisung hit him with a pillow while sending him a nasty glare and starting one of his “ _ you don’t know a thing about army life, Kang Daniel! _ ” rants. Daniel doesn’t really mind them, though. Jisung spends so much time away from home because of his heavy workload that any time with him is a good time, even when he’s ranting and hitting him with fluffy pillows. Also, Daniel enjoys annoying him far too much.

 

But his routine also means midterms, papers to write, and it also means going back to his part-time job at the library. It isn’t really his favorite place in the world. Being in the library means staying quiet for long periods of time (which is hard), having to shush Jaehwan who has a habit of singing while studying (which is also hard), having to hunt Park Woojin who, for whatever reason, believes college is a place for naps after school (which is absurd); and, of course, his own little struggle: battling against the urge to sleep (which is the hardest one). The library is always too quiet, the air conditioner is always too high, and Daniel always ends up dozing off while working. And it only gets worse when he has the night shift.

 

So he has found ways to deal with his sleepiness here and there, like drinking two cups of coffee before going to the library or tapping his pencil on his notebook to the sound of whatever he is listening to as if he’s a drummer. Nothing ever works, though, and it’s even worse during the nights when he’s spent hours before his shift finishing papers due the next day. 

 

Nights like this one, when he only notices he’d fallen asleep when he feels someone tapping on his shoulder.He looks up from his desk with wide eyes, taking off his headphones so suddenly that it makes whoever woke him up giggle a bit. Daniel blinks. Right in front of him stands a boy with sharp features smiling at him cheekily, half apologetic, half amused. 

 

“I’m sorry,” the boy says, a hint of laughter in his voice, “I didn’t mean to, uh, startle you.”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be asleep,” Daniel says, as he tries to look professional and cool, but he knows he probably has the round imprint of his watch on his left cheek. He tries not to think about it, even though the boy is probably looking directly at it. “Do you need anything?

 

“Actually... yeah,” the boy says, and then he presses his lips together, looking around. The place is basically empty at such an hour, as most of the students already left for their dorms or for some drinks. “It’s a bit embarrassing, though.”

 

Daniel smiles amicably, already understanding the whole situation. He doesn’t understand why it’s so hard for people to ask for his help since that’s basically his job but it is. “No, it’s fine, I’m here to help.”

 

Now the boy seems positively amused.  

 

“Hmm,” the boy nods, getting closer to Daniel, a mischievous look on his face. This up-close, Daniel notices the boy has three moles on his cheek. “Did you know that you talk in your sleep?”

 

“Sorry?” Daniel jumps in his place, looking around. The boy giggles again. “How do you know?”

 

“You were just sleep talking. Kind of loudly, actually.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Yes way.”

 

“For real?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Fuck–,” he pauses. He’s not supposed to be swearing in front of students, even if he’s a student himself, “I’m sorry. I-it won’t happen again.”

 

The boy smiles widely. “It’s okay, you weren’t bothering me or anything. It was actually kind of cute, but I also thought you’d be embarrassed, so. And that guy from engineering was starting to look at you as if he was about to murder you so I thought, hey. Why not save a life, right?”

 

Daniel stares at him, still a little stunned from sleep, now a little stunned by how fast all of those words left the boy’s mouth. 

 

Wait a minute.

Did he just call him cute?

 

“Well,” Daniel clears his throat, “I’m thankful you were around then, I’m too young to die.”

 

“It’s okay. It's a habit of mine you know? Saving the weak. Helping the poor.”

 

Daniel chuckles. “I was lucky you were around, then. How can I ever repay you?”

 

“You can get me coffee some other night. I’m always around, you know, living the hell that is college life.”

 

“Been there, done that. Actually still doing that but, yeah,” Daniel smiles shyly.

 

The boy beams, lightly slapping the counter twice before leaving. “See you around then.”

 

“Yeah,” Daniel picks up his phone. It’s past midnight. God fucking damn it, he looks a mess. “Thank you again.”

 

The dark haired boy smiles. “Don’t mention it!”

 

-

 

Daniel meets Jisung around 2 AM in a convenience store near the hospital. His friend shows up with his bag on his side and dark eye bags to match his dark clothes. He stares at Daniel from behind his brown bangs, dramatically throwing himself on the chair just as Daniel passes him his instant ramen, all ready to eat. Jisung looks close to tears when he sees it.

 

“Oh! You’re a dear,” he says, chopsticks ready, “Remind me why I thought going to med school was a good idea.”

 

Daniel smiles. “Because you’re stupid.”

 

“No,” Jisung corrects, mouth full, “It’s because of that stupid prophecy your mom told me once. What did she say again? About saving lives.”

 

“She said you were going to grow up to save lives.”

 

“Why did I think that meant being a doctor? I could’ve been a lifeguard. Or a fireman. Why did I think doctor of all the possible jobs I’d be saving lives in, why?”

 

“Again. Because you’re dumb,” Daniel points out, “Also don’t you think it’s funny that she just said that and then you went around looking for jobs that would fulfill what she said? You just made her job so much easier.”

 

Jisung glares at him, obviously annoyed. “Shut up,” it’s all he says, mixing up his ramen and Daniel knows he won’t say another word. For all his complaining about his workload, Daniel knows Jisung loves what he does. “Enough about my pain and angst, what about you? How was your day?”

 

“Fine,” Daniel replies, taking a mouthful of his dinner, “I slept until pretty late. And then my professor canceled the afternoon class so I had plenty of time to do whatever I want and chill-”

 

“Wow fuck you!” Jisung playfully hits his arm and Daniel laughs. “You’re lying.”

 

“Well. The afternoon class was indeed canceled.”

 

“Did you finish your paper?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Well, I finished it like five minutes before handing it, but still…”

 

Jisung nods, proud. “Still a winner,” he stands up, “Done? Let’s go. I’ll buy you chocolate.”

 

Daniel squeals with glee, just like a child, making Jisung laugh. On their way out he watches as his friend buys a pack of cigarettes, eyes squinting but not saying a thing. Jisung likes to nag at everyone but he’s the first to send you an ugly look whenever anyone tries to nag at him. Jisung glares at him as he shoves his pack in his pocket, eyes soft and looking exhausted. Daniel sighs.

 

“Oh,” he starts as soon as Jisung gives him the chocolate, opening it right away, “Something horrible happened today, too.”

 

“What?”

 

“I was so embarrassed,” Daniel hides his face in his hands as they walk home, the night air warm and nice on his skin, “So... I was working, right.”

 

“Hm.”

 

“And then I fell asleep. As usual. And then this guy woke me up telling me I was sleep talking in the middle of the goddamn library!”

 

Jisung widens his eyes, all variety-show-worthy-reaction before starting to laugh, even stopping in the middle of their walk to properly do so. Daniel watches the performance amused, as always. “I knew this would happen one day. I told Taewoong these days that this was definitely going to happen one day…”

 

“Why are you talking about me with Taewoong-”

 

“Eat your chocolate,” he says and Daniel obeys, “I’m upset I missed it.”

 

Daniel nods, “and it was a total stranger who came wake me up, like, I’ve never seen this guy.”

 

“What did he look like?”

 

“I don’t know, black hair, sharp chin. He had three moles on his cheek.”

 

Jisung sends him a smug look. “You must’ve taken a real good look at him if you saw moles and all.”

 

“Please,” Daniel rolls his eyes, “they were quite obvious.”

 

His friend stares at him for a second too long and Daniel averts his gaze, stares ahead the street. He hates when Jisung stares at him like that, hates when this haunting feeling comes at him. Hates when suddenly this subject is the topic of their conversation.

 

“Stop,” Daniel says, and Jisung widens his eyes.

 

“What?”

 

“Looking at me like that!”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“You are.”

 

Jisung stops right at the entrance of their building and the tiredness on his face seems even more obvious now under the streetlight. His friend sighs. “What? Can’t I even joke around about you flirting now? You can’t even flirt?”

 

“Stop it. Honestly,” Daniel says, opening the door.

 

“You can flirt, Daniel. You won’t go around killing people because you flirted with them.”

 

Daniel glares at him. “And what would be the point? Like, oh yeah, I can flirt around but never go anywhere with it. What’s the point?”

 

They enter the elevator and Daniel presses number three. Jisung looks at him. “You’re not even sure you’re cursed or anything.”

 

“Jisung. Please. Mom has never been never wrong.”

 

“That’s not fair,” Jisung says after a pause, and the way he says it makes Daniel’s heart ache a bit. They leave the elevator and Daniel watches as Jisung unlocks the door, his sleeve sliding down just enough to uncover the tattoo on his wrist: the number _ two _ in a thin black line. As soon as they’re inside their apartment Daniel takes off his shoes, heaves a deep sigh as a familiar “meow” finds his ears. He kneels down to pet his cat with a sheepish smile.

 

Yeah, it isn’t fair. That much is true. Daniel also wishes he could live another life. He wishes he could mindlessly flirt with the library guy who was way too good looking for his own good. He wishes he could entertain these ideas without worrying so much, without having someone's life in the line. But that's his life and that's how it is. But Jisung is always hoping, always also making him hope that maybe things can be different. Maybe Daniel could do these things too.

 

He sighs.

 

“The library guy,” he starts again and Jisung looks back at him, a glass of water in hand, “He called me cute, actually.”

 

The smile Jisung gives him is golden.

 

“Well,” he shrugs, taking a drink, “Seems like he has a thing with stating the obvious then.”

 

-

 

The school cafeteria is always too full and too loud, even more so when he finds himself suddenly followed by his always-trusted (though not always welcomed) group of friends. Not that Daniel doesn’t like them. His friends are the most important part of his life, but there are times, mostly mornings, mostly Tuesday mornings, that Daniel only needs some peace and quiet to catch up some sleep, which is impossibly hard when you have Kim Jaehwan screeching in your ears. 

 

“ _ Midnight _ , he said,” his friend is saying for the third time, looking downright murderous as he eats his breakfast, “Midnight. But I send my paper midnight and what does he say? That I was late. How the fuck is that late? If the deadline is midnight then  _ it’s fucking midnight _ !”

 

“Language,” Minhyun warns and Youngmin chuckles by his side. 

 

“I’ve lost my manners. Majoring in engineering has made me lose every fiber of manners I had in my body. I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry, dad. I can’t help it anymore.”

 

Sewoon looks up, “Choices,” he states matter of factly, smiling brightly at Jaehwan, “And everyone knows midnight means around eleven-fifty-nine at most. You were stupid.”

 

Jaehwan now looks decidedly offended. “Are you my best friend or my worst enemy? Why do you enjoy playing devil’s advocate so much?”

 

Sewoon’s grin is evil-ish and it has Youngmin giggling again. “What can I say? I enjoy watching you suffer.”

 

They laugh and right then someone else joins them, and Daniel smiles weakly at Jonghyun who looks at Minhyun pointedly. “We have classes in ten minutes we gotta go,” then he looks at Daniel, smiles softly, “Are you ok? You look tired.”

 

“He’s all moody today,” Jaehwan adds unnecessarily, “Has been wearing his wet dog face on ever since we arrived.”

 

“I’m just sleepy,” Daniel defends himself, “Jisung left his shift at like 2 AM and then he needed to talk. I listened to him until 5 in the goddamn morning.”

 

“Was he upset?” Youngmin asks and Daniel nods, chews on his sandwich.

 

“It’s his pediatrics period. One of the kids he’s attending is not doing well,” Daniel sighs, “So yeah, he was upset.”

 

There’s this second of silence that follows before it’s broken by a voice that Daniel isn’t really expecting at all.

 

“Hey,” he hears and looks up, finding no other person but library guy, with his cute three moles and all, “sleep-talking guy.”

 

“H-hey,” Daniel replies, giving an awkward smile. He’s suddenly way too conscious of the many pairs of eyes right behind him. God damn it, he just wanted to take a quick nap and drink some coffee and look at what his morning is turning out. “Library guy.”

 

“What are the odds,” the boy says, smiles in that way that makes him all handsome, “I was actually just thinking of you.”

 

Daniel almost gasps in his coffee. “Ah. Really. What are the odds,” he echoes, laughs. He can hear Jaehwan and Youngmin giggling. God fucking damn it. “You have a class now?”

 

“Soon,” the boy replies, now looking to his side just as Jaehwan clears his throat.

 

The day. It just doesn’t end.

 

“Won’t you introduce us to your new friend, Niel?” Jaehwan says in an overly sweet voice that makes Daniel want to choke him to death. 

 

“He’s not–”

 

“Oh, we’re not friends. Not yet at least,” the boy says, laughing a bit before adding, “I just saved him from a murderous engineer major last night.”

 

“He’s quite the hero,” Daniel says, looking at Jonghyun, who nods, impressed. “I was sleep-talking in the library,” he explains. Youngmin smiles, amused.

 

“I thought you were over that phase.”

 

“It’s not a phase, Youngmin. It’s a habit.”

 

“It was cute,” the boy says, much to Daniel’s demise. Jaehwan’s smile is now nothing short of wicked. “Anyway, I should go. Nice seeing you, though.”

 

“Ah. I’m always around.” The way he says it is awkward, stupid, and it has the boy smiling again as he fixes his backpack and nods to his friends. Daniel feels relieved but also slightly dreading the wave of questions that will probably hit him as soon as the boy leaves the cafeteria. But suddenly, he decides to turn around, looking back at Daniel with raised brows.

 

“Oh. I almost forgot,” he sort-of-shouts as he looks around apologetically, “You owe me coffee for saving your life.”

 

Daniel laughs. “You were serious about that?”

 

“I don’t joke around about coffee,” he replies, smiles widely. And when he finally leaves there’s silence an awful around the table. When he turns around, they’re all smiling at him.

 

“Who was that?” Youngmin asks, and Daniel stares at him as if he’s daft.

 

“We just explained, we met in the library…”

 

“He means his name, Daniel,” Sewoon explains and that’s the first time Daniel thinks about it.

 

_ Oh. _

 

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

-

  
  
  


There was this one time they tried breaking his curse.

 

He and Jisung went through all of his mother’s books. They researched on the internet. They tried and tried but couldn’t find anything, until Daniel had decided to ask his mother directly. She looked at him the way only a mother who had cursed her own son could.

 

She took him in her arms and hugged him. The words she said had echoed in his dreams ever since.

 

“The only way to break a curse, baby, is through a sacrifice.”

  
  


-

 

Daniel sees him first this time. For a while he just watches while the boy makes his way through the shelves, brows furrowed in concentration as he studies the books. Daniel takes off his earphones, fixes his hair while checking himself on his phone, though he doesn’t even know why he’s suddenly worried about his appearance. For whatever reason, this boy always looks all nice and proper while Daniel still dresses in the same clothes he used to back when he was sixteen.

 

When he approaches him, Daniel smiles. “Hey.”

 

“Hey,” the boy says, looks at his notebook and then smiles, “Nice to see you all awake. Conscious. With your eyes open. It’s quite the difference.”

 

“Haha,” Daniel jabs, jokingly side eyeing him before picking up the book he’s handing him, “Very funny. You should know, sir, I actually don’t even sleep all that much.”

 

“With you falling asleep in libraries while working, I kind of figured,” he takes the book back after Daniel finishes registering it, “When is it due?”

 

“In two weeks,” he says, “have fun with it.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” he laughs, “Us business majors always having so much with our books and capitalism.” The boy places the book in his backpack, ready to go, but then he stops, looking at Daniel with squinted eyes. “Hey, I just remembered something.”

 

“What?”

 

“You still owe me coffee.”

 

Daniel is sort of amused. The boy can obviously see he’s in the middle of his shift. But then an idea hits him and he smiles, standing up.

 

“Okay, okay” he says, sighing as if he’s exhausted, “come with me.”

 

-

 

The staff room is empty, just as it always is at around midnight. Daniel isn’t supposed to be doing this, since they are completely prohibited from bringing students in, just as the little sign on the door says, quite friendly in all caps: STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED. But he does anyway because why the hell not.

 

“Here,” he hands him a cup of coffee, sits by the table and the boy follows, looking at the drink with suspicion. “What?” Daniel asks.

 

“Just checking.”

 

“Look, my coffee is great, ok? It’s the only thing I can cook.”

 

The boy looks up. “This isn’t even cooking. It’s brewing.”

 

“Same thing.” Daniel rolls his eyes. Then he notices the guy is looking at him for a tad too long. “What?”

 

It takes him a second to reply. “You’re kinda weird.”

 

The sound that leaves Daniel’s mouth is not cool. He makes a mental note not to repeat it. “Why?”

 

“Sleeping in libraries, talking about One Punch Man in your sleep—”

 

“I was talking about One Punch Man?” He’s horrified.

 

“—bringing me clandestinely to the staff room to personally brew my coffee. I mean anyone else would’ve bought me one.”

 

Daniel blinks. He honestly didn’t even think of that idea. “That doesn’t make me weird. Makes me cheap.”

 

“Nah. It’s weird,” he says. Then adds, “It’s super weird.”

 

“No it’s not!!” Daniel protests.

 

“I like you that way, though,” the boy laughs and then takes a sip. He makes a satisfied face. “It’s good!”

 

“I told you!”

 

There’s silence for a second, and then the boy shifts in his seat and looks at him with curiosity. “By the way, another thing I find weird is that ever since we met, which I know wasn’t all that long ago, but you have yet to ask my name.”

 

Daniel scoffs at that. “You don’t know my name either.”

 

“Of course I do,” he points to the nametag on Daniel’s chest, “Kang Daniel. Library assistant.”

 

He knows he looks stupid now, looking at his own name tag and then back at the black haired boy in front of him who’s looking straight at him with a shit-eating grin. “You got me,” he says, drinks. “So… your name?”

 

Seongwoo sighs dramatically, leans his chin on his hand while looking away. “You sound uninterested.”

 

“Oh, please. I’m dying to know, the suspense is killing me,” he hits his palms at the table, mimicking the sounds of drums. The boy looks to the side, pretending to be offended. Daniel smiles. “Okay, let’s start all over again, then. Hey. My name is Kang Daniel, and yours?”

 

For a second he believes the boy won’t reply. He’s still looking to the side, hurt, but then he looks back, smiles while bowing slightly. “I’m Ong Seongwoo. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Daniel blinks once and then twice. Then he takes a sip of his coffee.

 

He’s sure he has heard that name somewhere.

 

-

 

Seeing Jisung so little still feels odd to Daniel. They used to be together all the time when they were younger, every single moment of Daniel’s life was filled with his presence, unless he was in school. It’s an odd thing that now that they live together he barely ever sees him, though he understands, of course he does. Jisung’s schedule is something Daniel himself knows he would never be able to stand. So in the rare times they can get together, it’s usual for him to just put everything aside and stay with him a bit. Even if by everything he means his college work.

 

Jisung doesn’t need to know that, though.

 

And tonight is a night that Jisung is home earlier than his usual. Daniel arrives and with surprise finds him laying on the couch as if he’s dead while drinking soju and eating chips. Daniel joins him without him even asking. That bottle of soju says much more than the dark circles under Jisung’s eyes and its redness, and Daniel sighs, places his backpack down, sits by his side. For a minute the two of them the proper image of lazy young adults watching shitty variety shows only to pass the time. Jisung doesn’t crack a smile through the whole process though. Daniel knows something is very wrong.

 

When the ads roll, Daniel sees his cue, “Did something happen?”

 

Jisung takes a while to reply. “Remember that kid I told you about who was not doing well? My first real patient ever?”

 

“The little girl?”

 

“Yeah,” Jisung replies, “She died. Cardiac arrest.”

 

Daniel allows silence to grow because he knows it’s what Jisung needs. He’s playing with his nametag card, the one with his picture wearing a med vest and all. In the picture, Jisung is smiling. 

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

 

“I thought there was something wrong. I told my boss. I told him I should go back and check her one more time. I told him we should do an echocardiogram even if the symptoms didn’t fit. He didn’t listen. He said no. I tried speaking up but he told me to put myself in my place. That I’m just some resident and he’s the chief doctor. So I kept quiet.”

 

The show is back on but now Daniel cares very little about it. He takes a sip of the soju, passes it on. Jisung sighs, eyes tear-filled. Daniel’s heart aches.

 

“You did what he told you to. It’s not your fault.”

 

“If we got her examined she’d be alive. If I just went against him-”

 

“That’s not something easy, Jisung. He’s your boss. He’s older.”

 

“Yeah, but as a doctor, I shouldn’t be just following orders because of hierarchy I should be saving patients.”

 

Daniel doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s really like Jisung to put all the blame on himself, to expect of his own self even what seems impossible. So he just hands the bottle back to him, squeezes his arm.

 

“And he made me be the one to go and tell the family. The fucking asshole… But enough of this. Really. Enough,” he looks at Daniel and for a second there he wants to get closer to him and hug him, allow him to rest, take the pain in a way or another. “Tell me about your day. Please, tell me something good.”

 

“God, the pressure,” Daniel says, snapping his fingers, trying to think of something, anything, “Oh. I smuggled someone in our staff room.”

 

That breaks a smile on Jisung’s face, even if it’s a weak one. Daniel considers that a victory. “What a criminal.”

 

“Right?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Remember that guy I told you about some days ago? He appeared in the library again and asked for his coffee,” Daniel chuckles, “I didn’t even think of buying him some I just took him there.”

 

“He seems cool,” Jisung says, absent-mindedly, thoughts away.

 

“Yeah, he majors in business.”

 

“Hmm,” Jisung drinks, “What’s his name? I know some business majors.”

 

“Oh,” Daniel presses his lips together, trying to remember, “I think it was Seongwoo. Oh, yeah. Ong Seongwoo.”

 

Much to Daniel’s surprise, Jisung spits all the soju he was just drinking.

 

“What the hell, dude?”

 

“Seongwoo?” Jisung asks, eyes wide, a complete 180º turn from his previous state, “ _ Ong Seongwoo _ ?”

 

“Yeah,” Daniel agrees, uncertain, the name once again ringing a bell he can’t quite grasp. Jisung looks at him as if he’s the most dense boy in this entire world. “And?”

 

“Seongwoo, Daniel. Ong Seongwoo,” he repeats, “ _ The book _ !”

 

It takes him a few seconds of hard thinking.

 

Oh,  _ fuck _ .

 

Daniel raises his hand to his head, holding it, completely horrified. Oh, God. Oh shit. He had completely forgotten about that stupid book and about the names he had read. He had completely forgotten that Ong Seongwoo was one of them.

 

“Fuck!” He shouts and Jisung echoes it.

 

“That’s fucked up,” Jisung says, eyes wide, “That’s super fucked up.”

 

“Maybe it isn’t him?” Daniel says, hopeful. “I mean. What are the odds?”

 

“Daniel, what are the odds of two Ong Seongwoos living in the vicinity?” Jisung asks matter of factly, “I mean you know the rules. The souls that show up to your gran are people who were born and still live around here.”

 

“That makes no sense,” Daniel stands up, walks around the tiny room, “That makes no goddamn sense! Oh my God.”

 

“That’s fucked. That’s so fucked. Is he young?”

 

“Around my age!”

 

“Fucked. Super fucked,” Jisung frowns, “Will you tell him?”

 

“What?  _ No _ !” Daniel is scandalized. “Why would I?

 

“I don’t know, I mean… doesn’t that mean he has around six months to live?”

 

“Fuck, Jisung. Don’t give him some death countdown!”

 

“It could be less,” he continues, “I mean. Your gran always says they’ll die in that year, not in  _ a _ year... this is so, so fucked.”

 

“Shut up!” Daniel sits down again, looking at Jisung with wide eyes. How fucked up is it that the one guy he meets all of the sudden is going to die, is about to die? He remembers Seongwoo, the Seongwoo from tonight, all funny and bright. It makes no sense that he’s dying. It makes no sense that he’ll die in months. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. “Oh my god.”

 

They stay in silence for a while, Daniel’s heart beating uncomfortably fast. He barely knows Seongwoo. He doesn’t know who he is, what he wants, what are his dreams and goals. If he has a family, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, best friends. He has no idea who he is and yet his heart hurts and turns. Daniel feels sorry. He feels so sorry.

 

“Niel,” Jisung calls and he looks up. His friend looks worried. “Do you… I mean. Do you have feelings for him?”

 

“What? No, Jisung, I just met him.” He’s defensive, almost offended that this is the first thing that runs through Jisung’s mind. But his friend just nods, looks down and the two of them fall into silence.

 

Daniel doesn’t sleep the entire night.

 

-

 

It takes exactly a week for Daniel to see Seongwoo again.

 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t expecting, waiting for it, if he said he didn’t look around the library, search for him around school, eyes always attentive for his appearance. But Seongwoo was gone, nowhere to be seen, and for a day or two Daniel was actually worried. Maybe he died? Maybe he fell ill? The thing is, he never exchanged numbers with the guy, he doesn’t know anyone who knows him. He has no one to ask. So Daniel waits.

 

And then, exactly one week later, he shows up.

 

Daniel watches him walk in his direction, that very same book he borrowed just a week ago in hand. Seongwoo smiles at him and his heart aches dully. He doesn’t look like he’s dying. But in the end, who does?

 

Aren’t they all dying, even if little by little? 

 

“Here it is,” he says, giving him the book, “Please, take it away from me, I can’t stand looking at it anymore.”

 

Daniel smiles awkwardly, trying to act normal, though now he has no idea what his normal is. Does Seongwoo even know him enough to know what his normal is?

 

“Studied a lot?”

 

“My whole life away. But the test is gone, I’m free,” he  beams, “Missed me?”

 

The question takes Daniel off guard and he looks up, surprised, a smile cracking on his lips before he knows it. “No, it’s just. I didn’t see you around for awhile.”

 

Seongwoo tilts his head, smiles a little. “Sorry that I kept you waiting,” he says and Daniel scoffs in indignance. Seongwoo laughs at that. “I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I wasn’t waiting…,” he mutters, embarrassed.

 

His answer is a smile just as Seongwoo nods, turns around to leave. But then he suddenly pauses, hesitates. Then he turns back, walks towards the front desk, leans in, “Listen, when are you off today?”

 

“Me?” Daniel asks stupidly. “Around 6 PM, I think. Why?”

 

Seongwoo looks at his phone. “Oh, in less than an hour, then. What do you think of us getting some proper coffee, then?”

 

Daniel scoffs, offended. “My coffee was proper.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Seongwoo smirks and Daniel feels his chest tighten. Before he can even think about whether this is a good idea he says yes.

 

-

 

The coffee shop is alarmingly empty at such a time, and the two of them sit on a table close to the window. The place is small and comfortable, with small pots of plants and dim lighting, a place close enough to campus to go by foot and cheap enough for college students to afford. Daniel likes it here.

 

“I always come here,” Seongwoo says, looking at his coffee, “It’s nice on rainy days.”

 

“I never saw you around,” Daniel says, wondering how he’d never seen him before. Seongwoo smiles. 

 

“Big deal, I never noticed you here too,” he says as though he’s offended. “Which is surprising. I mean. You’re not a guy who’s easy to ignore.”

 

Daniel widens his eyes. “What does that even mean?”

 

Seongwoo smiles, eats a piece of his cake, leaving him without an answer. Daniel feels a wave of heat rising up his neck, making its way to his ears. He ignores it with the diligence only a man who has no skill in flirting and is scared as hell of it can master. “So,” he continues, “you’re majoring in business?”

 

“Yeah. Lame, right?” He laughs, “You look like you major in something fancy, though. Lemme guess… Computer engineering?”

 

Daniel scoffs. “I major in International Relations actually.”

 

“Fancy!” Seongwoo echoes, “Important!”

 

“Shut up,” Daniel looks down to his coffee, plays with it a bit, “I don’t even know what I’ll do with it if I can be completely honest.”

 

“Hm,” Seongwoo agrees, looks at him for a while, as if waiting for him to continue. When Daniel doesn’t elaborate, he sighs, “I want to be a teacher. A college professor. Though I know that’d be hard but. Yeah.”

 

There’s something in Daniel’s stomach that twists and gets torn apart, turns the coffee in his mouth sour. There’s something deeply horrible about listening to a young man talk about his future while knowing that he has six months to live. Maybe less. He tries to shake that thought away but it gnaws at his mind even when Seongwoo keeps talking, asking him about trivial things, obviously trying to make friends with him. The thought of it alone already makes Daniel want to run. Why does this guy want to be friends with him so much? Why is he so interested in him?

 

Daniel watches as he speaks, drinks his coffee, eats his cake. The feeling of dread he’s feeling as he talks to this guy eats him up, but horribly enough he’s also fascinated - like a car crash that you’re horrified by and yet continue to watch it, looking for videos of it on youtube. Knowing that Ong Seongwoo will die makes Daniel wonder about him. Why? When?

 

_ How? _

 

“Do you feel okay?” He can't help asking when Seongwoo stops talking for a second and the boy looks at him with a surprised look on his face. “I mean. Are you sick?”

 

It takes him a while to respond. “Hm. No?” He looks rightfully confused. “I’m fine? I mean it’s been awhile since I went for a medical check-up, but I’m sure I’m okay.”

 

“Maybe you should go,” Daniel adds, “They’re very important.”

 

Seongwoo smiles, suspicious, “What is this about? Do I look sick? Or having a doctor for a best friend made you a hypochondriac?”

 

“No, I–,” Daniel pauses, looks up at him. “How do you know about Jisung?”

 

“Jaehwan told me,” He smiles. Daniel is even more confused.

 

“You two are friends? Since when?”

 

“We became friends last week,” Seongwoo explains, “He’s fun, I like him.”

 

Daniel now is completely and utterly confused. “Now that’s weird. And you say I’m the weird one.”

 

“You are weird, though,” Seongwoo says matter of factly, then checks his phone before putting it back in his pocket. “Also, he invited me to go with you guys to some party tomorrow. Hope that’s okay with you.”

 

“Why would it not be ok?” Daniel frowns, looks at his finished coffee. There’s something weird about this, about being here and talking to him this easily. Though even before, when they drank coffee back in the staff room, conversation with Seongwoo was easy, simple. 

 

Except now he knows he’s going to die.

 

He sighs.

 

What kind of mess is he getting himself into, willingly?

What sort of idiot is he?

 

“Wait,” Daniel starts, just now thinking about it. Seongwoo looks at him, leaning his face on his hand, dark bangs falling on his eyes. “Why were you and Jaehwan talking about me?”

 

Seongwoo smiles in that mischievous way again and eats the last bit of his cake. He never replies to his question.

 

-

 

There’s this thing Jisung once told him and Daniel remembers it quite well. 

 

It was this one time when they were sitting in his mother’s home, eating watermelon, bare legs and sweat on their foreheads from the heat. Daniel was just sixteen. Jisung had just told him he was in love, that he was dating this guy Daniel also knew, Taewoong. He said that to Daniel with care only Jisung could have, a smile spreading across his lips when Daniel showed how happy and excited he was for him. It never occurred to Daniel that Jisung could look so scared.

 

And then Jisung paused, looked at him with those eyes that sent shivers down Daniel’s spine, in that way that made his chest all messed up because it was so filled with care. It’ a scary and beautiful thing to be looked at like that.

 

“You’ll find love one day too, you know,” he had said, and Daniel looked down. He didn’t like being lied to, but Jisung would never lie to him, so he knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose. That alone upsetted him. It’s a sad thing, that his friend believed so dearly in a lie. “You will.”

 

Daniel smiled. 

Another lie.

 

-

 

The clock hits 11:30 PM and Daniel is still lying in bed, dressed in staying-at-home clothes and staring at the ceiling with way more attention than any ceiling-gazing needs. He stares at his phone, watches as his unread messages rise to 58, the last one reading exactly “WE ARE NOT WAITING FOR YOU ANYMORE, WE’RE GOING IN” from no one but Kim Jaehwan. Daniel turns his phone down, closes his eyes. Fucking shit.

 

“Oi,” he hears, sits down just as Jisung all dressed up storms into his room, “Taewoong and I are going-,” his friend stops midway, “What are you doing?”

 

“Sulking, it seems,” Taewoong says from behind Jisung, looking at Daniel with raised brows. “Are you ok?”

 

“I’m fine!” He tries to smile. Jisung frowns.

 

“Weren’t you going out with the kids?” He says and Daniel lies back down, letting out a frustrated sigh. “What? What happened?”

 

“They’re not kids, Jisung, they’re all around my age!”

 

Jisung pouts. “And you’re a baby!  _ My  _ baby!”

 

“Oh my God,” Daniel shoves his hands on his face. “Taewoong, make him stop.”

 

“Please, stop,” Taewoong deadpans, “I’m not old enough to be a father.”

 

“I hate you two,” his voice leaves his mouth muffled and after a second he feels hands on his arms, looking up and seeing Jisung looking down at him with a mix of worry and amusement. “What?”

 

“Why don’t you want to go out anymore?”

 

“I just don’t want to.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Don’t talk like that!”

 

“What, like what?” Jisung looks back at Taewoong as if asking for help. His boyfriend only shrugs. “Don’t be useless!”

 

“I don’t know what’s going on.”

 

“Are you upset with something?” Jisung turns around and Daniel sits down, stares at him until he goes away. He doesn’t. “Did Jaehwan do something again?”

 

“Jaehwan is fine,” he sighs, tired. He doesn’t want to talk about it with Jisung and yet he does, but not now. Now he only wants to run. “It’s just-”

 

“What?”

 

The sigh that leaves Daniel’s lips is of the exhausted sort. “Okay. So. Remember the Seongwoo guy? He’ll be going too.”

 

Jisung bites on his lips, while Taewoong turns around, telling them he’s going back. “I don’t wanna hear about Niel’s sexual life,” he mutters and Daniel wants to die. He wants to kill him and then lay down and just die.

 

Jisung is still looking at him attentively. “And?”

 

“What do you mean  _ and _ ?”

 

“ _ And _ what about it?”

 

“What about it?” Daniel squeals, exasperated, “What about it? Are you being dense on purpose?”

 

Jisung crosses his arms, serious. “No, I’m not.”

 

“It looks like it!”

 

“What’s the damn problem that he’s going, Daniel?” Jisung asks, looking at him and Daniel feels like he’s about to explode, that horrible feeling coming back to him. There’s something here, something that Daniel can’t quite grasp, can’t quite put into words. But he feels it and it’s tiring him. Suffocating him.

 

“The damn problem? I’ll be there with this guy, who for whatever reason befriended basically all my friends, and I know that he’ll fucking die. And he’ll be there, and he’ll be dancing and drinking and being normal, but I’ll look at him and only remember that he’ll die,” he explodes, thoughts finding words and running wild, “And my friends will be there and everyone will be there and the only shit I can think about is that soon enough they’ll be all upset because he fucking died and I can’t say anything, because they’ll think I’m fucking nuts. I have to watch and- God! It’s this,” he shoves his face on his hands, pissed, “ I’m just tired of not stop thinking about it. I don’t wanna look at him and think about it. I hate that I saw his name in that book, I hate it.”

 

Jisung only looks at him, squats down in that way one does when they’re tired of standing for too long. Daniel has a lump in his throat that just gets worse as silence follows. In a way he can’t quite understand himself, he can’t quite grasp why he’s so touched, so caught up by the possible death of this boy he barely knows. But there’s something terrifying about knowing, something horrible, nasty, that clings to his stomach, makes it twist and turn. Daniel wonders how his mother does it, how has she been doing it for her whole life.

 

One death in his hands and he’s already exhausted.

 

“Niel,” Jisung starts, voice quiet and calm and Daniel looks back at him, he was kneeling down right in front of him now, “Is that all that is?”

 

Daniel feels his heart beat faster for a second there when he understands what Jisung means. He sighs. “Yeah. I think so.”

 

He hopes so.

 

Jisung touches his knee, first because he’s kind, but then because he’s almost falling on his ass. Daniel helps him destabilize, they giggle a bit. Jisung smiles at him. “Is there anything you can do to stop him from dying?”

 

“No,” he replies, “I think.”

 

“Are you in love with him?” Jisung asks, blunt, and Daniel almost chokes on his own saliva.

 

“No? Fuck, Jisung, I barely- I’m just,” he pauses, thinks. He thinks of Seongwoo, of him smiling at him, laughing. There’s this weird twist in his stomach. “Attracted, I guess?”

 

“You’ve been attracted to people before, Niel, no one died because you were horny.”

 

Daniel buries his face on his hand again, exasperated. “It’s not just. Ugh. I don’t know Do you remember when we were teenagers and you asked me what the person of my dreams would be like? He’s all that, Jisung. Everything. He’s funny, nice, he’s handsome, he’s smart. I don’t know what to do because what if. What if I fall for him? What I’m-”

 

He can’t finish the question and Jisung stares at him, attentive, concerned. “Then you’re in some time paradox, Daniel. Because his name was already in that book even before you met him. He’d die anyway. If anything he’s the perfect guy for you to fall for,” Daniel glares at him completely horrified and Jisung makes his best “oops” face, “Too soon?”

 

“Too soon.”

 

Jisung shrugs. “Or maybe it’s fate and you’ll fall for him anyway and every attempt of yours of staying away is futile.’

 

“Then I’ll have to just change fate, I guess.”

 

His friend scoffs. “Don’t lie to yourself, that’s stupid,” he stands up, picks up Daniel’s phone, “Shit, seventy unread messages, ten missed calls. Please at least face this like a man.”

 

“That’s misogynistic,” Taewoong shouts from the corridor and Daniel cackles. Jisung just rolls his eyes.

 

“Look, if you wanna go, we can go. Tae can drop you there before we go on our own merry way to our fancy anniversary dinner. That is, if you get ready in ten minutes, I won’t be late because you’re being stupid.”

 

“Fifteen?”

 

“Don’t push it,” he warns, face serious, “or you can stay home crying over something you have no control over. Your call, Daniel.”

 

-

 

It takes him twenty minutes to get ready but Jisung is a terrible liar and they wait for him anyway. When he arrives at the club it’s almost half past midnight and all his friends are already completely wasted. This is the war-like scene Daniel faces when he arrives: Minhyun and Jonghyun are sitting together, singing the saddest ballad Daniel has ever heard for everyone in the bar to hear, Sungwoon and Taehyun are sneering, drunkenly acting as if they’re judges in K-pop Star while Jaehwan is sitting in a corner, obviously sulking. Weirdly enough Youngmin and Sewoon are nowhere to be found. And in the middle of all this, there’s this guy,  _ the  _ fucking guy, with his black hair pushed back, a smile that appears as soon as he sees Daniel approaching them just as though he had been waiting for him.

 

_ Ah _ , Daniel thinks and there’s something that follows that thought. But he forgets. It’s easier to just forget.

 

“Thank God you’re here,” Seongwoo says as he approaches, one beer already all set for Daniel, “I’ll give you the rundown of the apocalypse.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“So,” Seongwoo starts, getting a little too close to him, “Everything was fine, except everyone was worried because you didn’t reply. But then we got in any way. Then we decided to take some shots because it’s tequila night and then well,” he sighs dramatically, “All Hell Broke Loose.”

 

Daniel widens his eyes, drinks his beer, “what happened?”

 

“Everyone started to get drunk, like I had no idea you were all so weak. I honestly think someone should’ve warned me so I would’ve at least tried to get drunk too. But anyway, Minhyun started singing sad ballads and Jonghyun thought he could sing too - which I’m telling you is a lie. A lie! And there was this group of girls sitting near us who already complained to management but so far no one did anything and they left. Oh, and Youngmin started crying to me about Sewoon this and that, I mean not crying literally, but he was obviously talking about him and I was like, dude, the worst thing that can happen is that he’ll say no so you have a fifty-fifty chance, right? And for whatever reason that seemed to work so,” he speaks so fast he has to heave a deep breath afterwards. Daniel finishes his beer in one go.

 

Oh boy. 

 

“So Youngmin went to talk to him and then they disappeared and then Jaehwan suddenly started drinking one shot after the other, he literally started challenging everyone in the bar to outdrink him and now he’s in that state,” he points to Jaehwan, “I think he died and I’m scared I was the one who killed him.”

 

“You killed him,” Daniel agrees, picking up another beer, staring at Jaehwan who’s sitting down amidst six empty shot glasses, wearing the face of someone who’s seen all the pain that the world can inflict on him, “You broke Jaehwan.”

 

“I did?” Seongwoo sounds worried, “I mean, maybe I meddled with threads that I should’ve just stayed away from…”

 

“Yeah, you did. I mean the whole Sewoon-Youngmin-Jaehwan shenanigans have been haunting this group for over a year you just shoved them in an… Unlikely direction. Some people will be pissed. Me included.”

 

Seongwoo now looks positively terrified. “Why?”

 

“We have an ongoing bet like who of them was going to date first or if they were going to develop into some sort of polyamorous thing even though neither Youngmin or Jaehwan seem to be into each other but,” he shrugs, “Youngmin is a good looking guy, I think Jaehwan at some point could dig it. Poor Youngmin, though.”

 

Seongwoo straightens his back, clears his throat. He looks out-of-character-ly bothered. “You find Youngmin good looking then?”

 

“You don’t?” Daniel sounds surprised.

 

“Good point,” Seongwoo clears his throat, looks as Daniel and then smiles widely, “want a shot?”

 

Daniel feels a pull in his heart, like something is pulling it down his chest. He doesn’t know what is about Seongwoo that makes it happen: if it’s the way he smiles, if it’s the way he looks at him as if he was expecting to see him, hoping he’d come. Or if maybe it’s the fact that he’ll die. No, fuck, no. Don’t think of that, not now. 

 

He needs a shot.

 

“Let’s do it.”

 

-

 

The rest of the night goes by in a flash that Daniel can’t quite follow. He and Seongwoo start a shot competition and it somehow ends with both of them at the back of the bar, sitting down on the floor, passing cigarettes and laughing. And, in an unsurprising turn of events, Drunk Daniel finds out the same thing that Sober Daniel has also found out that day in that cafe: that he really enjoys Ong Seongwoo’s company. Daniel allows himself to just talk to him, to be asked questions, to reply to them and then ask back. To pretend that he’s normal, they’re normal. To laugh and joke, and drink and feel Seongwoo’s hand on his arms, touching him more than it’s necessary.

 

_ Seongwoo is really a touchy person, _ Daniel thinks, giggles.

He also is very ridiculously attractive. He giggles some more. He doesn’t know if because it’s funny or out of desperation.

 

“But I don’t know,” he hears and looks at him as Seongwoo looks thoughtful and serious, “If I had to choose a Hogwarts house maybe I’d choose Slytherin.”

 

“But then,” Daniel says with fire in his own eyes, “You’d be evil!”

 

“Please, don’t tell me you had such a shallow reading of the books. Slytherins weren’t all evil!”

 

Daniel scoffs. “Most of them were, though!”

 

Seongwoo smiles. “Where would you go then?”

 

“Gryffindor, of course,” Daniel says, smiles proudly.

 

The other boy rolls his eyes. “Of course you would.”

 

“I was born to be a protagonist,” Daniel replies and they both laugh, heads close, watching as the couple who were the only ones doing them company leave back to the club. Daniel sighs, looks at his clock. “Fuck. It’s almost 4 AM already.”

 

“What?” Seongwoo takes a sip of his beer. “Do you have a curfew, Cinderella?”

 

“No? I’m just surprised because I didn’t notice time pass so fast, dumbass.”

 

Seongwoo gives him a smug smile. “Typical. I do have that effect on people,” he winks and Daniel pretends to puke on his own hands. “It’s a curse, really.”

 

“That’s rough, buddy.”

 

And then they fall into silence while Daniel checks his phone, replies to some drunk messages from his friends and then places it back in his jacket’s pocket. When he looks back Seongwoo is looking at him, and as soon as their eyes meet he averts his gaze and looks back to the sky. Daniel feels his heart skip a beat, and then that tightness around his throat that hurts a little, dully and fully. He knows he should just call this a night and move on. He shouldn’t ask what he already knew, he shouldn’t just go and press Seongwoo forward. 

 

But he’s stupid and drunk out of his mind.

And he wants to know. He wants to hear it.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and Seongwoo bites on his lower lip, looks down and then back at him.

 

“I was just wondering,” he starts, stops. Daniel smiles, nudges him with his shoulder.

 

“Wondering what?” He presses. He goes and he sees the storm coming and he just faces it forward, he doesn’t even mind the hurricane heading on his direction.

 

Seongwoo tilts his head, eyes on his. “Just. You know. How long will I have to hit on you until you finally notice?”

 

Daniel guesses he was waiting for it in a way or another. It’s not like he’s stupid, it’s not like he hasn’t seen the way Seongwoo acts around him, the way he tries to get closer one way or another. It’s not like he’s  _ that  _ dense, even though, to be quite honest, he is fairly dense. The thing, though, the thing that pisses him off the most, is how much he was expecting it, waiting for it, yearning for it. He hates himself because just some hours ago he didn’t even want to come because of the possibility of them getting closer and now here he is, looking at Seongwoo as he looks back, none of them looking away. Here he is with his heart racing so fast he has to breath in deeply, let the air out slowly.

 

“I’ve noticed,” he says. And here, under the moonlight, Daniel forgets. He doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, if it’s the stars, if it’s the way Seongwoo is looking at him, if it’s because he wants to forget it so bad, but he forgets. Forgets who he is, forgets who Seongwoo is. He forgets he’s being stupid, absurd. 

 

Seongwoo raises his eyebrows when he hears him, and there’s this atmosphere around them now that it’s just too hard to ignore. And Daniel wonders if it’s been there before, if he’s just been stupidly pretending not to notice, stupidly as always. The blissfulness of ignorance.

 

“And are you going to do something about it?” Seongwoo asks and he’s awfully close, to the point where Daniel can feel his hot breath against his cheeks. His heart races, his pulse fastens and for a second there he has no idea how the whole breathing process goes, his eyes way too focused on the way Seongwoo looks down to his lips and then back up, right into his eyes. Daniel feels like he’s suffocating. Has he ever felt like this, wanted anyone like this, just as he does now? He notices then that Seongwoo has really pretty lips and that he looks an exact way of handsome when he looks like he’s ready to kiss someone.

 

He also remembers that he’s going to die.

 

Daniel clears his throat, taken aback by the thought, by reality. Seongwoo blinks, looks back, the two of them seemingly out of the weird trance they just got in. “I,” Daniel starts, and Seongwoo holds his arm, leans in.

 

And that’s when the back door opens and a very drunk Jaehwan leaves, gets on his knees before exact three steps and throws up without any ceremony. Daniel jumps up and Seongwoo looks back, opening his mouth in shock and disgust Right behind him, comes a very worried Sewoon, and Youngmin, looking a right mix of concerned and pissed off. Daniel can relate.

 

“Leave me,” Jaehwan half shouts, half barfs, looking back at Sewoon with tears in his drunk, swollen eyes, “Leave me! Go back with him! It’s easy, isn’t it?”

 

“Jesus, Jaehwan, what are you on about?” Sewoon asks, exasperated, and Youngmin steps up, tries to place a hand on Sewoon’s shoulder to which he reacts by pulling his arm away. The expression on Youngmin’s face pulls all the wrong strings in Daniel’s heart. “We were just talking. Come on, let’s go home.”

 

“Don’t touch me, you. You. You traitor!”

 

“Hey, hey,” Daniel sees his cue, walks towards them, kneels by Jaehwan’s side, “Dumbass, look at me.”

 

“Daniel!” Jaehwan reacts, looks up at him, and then down again, hiding his face on his hands. “Don’t look at me, I look hideous.”

 

He laughs. “Well, that’s sad for you man, because you always do!”

 

By his side, Seongwoo laughs. “I don’t think that’s helping.”

 

Daniel looks up at Sewoon, who’s standing there, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. He looks at Youngmin who is now standing on a safe distance, looking at them with a face that Daniel would rather not have seen. He sighs, ignores the mumbling words leaving Jaehwan’s mouth, something about betrayal and hurt. What a bitch of a situation. “Dude,” he says to Sewoon, “Just go.”

 

“I won’t go,” Sewoon replies, indignant, “I want to help him.”

 

“You can’t do it. Not now. You’re just making things worse,” Daniel says, looking at Jaehwan when he makes a sudden movement, scared he’ll throw up on him, “Just go, seriously. I’ll take him home.”

 

“I don’t wanna go home,” Jaehwan whines, “I wanna drink!”

 

“Look, we can go to my house, ok? So Jisung can make you one of those teas you like so much.”

 

“Will he really?” Jaehwan says hopefully, and then he looks up to Sewoon, and then back down, “He’s not going, right? He doesn’t deserve any tea.”

 

“He won’t,” Daniel assures him, and then back at Sewoon, “Please. Leave.”

 

The boy stands there for a while, looking at Jaehwan, and then Youngmin softly touches his shoulder and this one time he allows it. He sighs and then turns around, the two of them leaving together. Daniel heaves a deep, heavy, tired, completely exhausted sigh.

 

He turns to Seongwoo. “I’m leaving.”

 

“What?” Seongwoo asks.

 

“I don’t think he’s okay. I mean, I’m sure he isn't,” he stands up, taking a very wobbly Jaehwan up with him, “I’ll take him to my place.”

 

“To tea! Sewoon won’t have any,” Jaehwan looks at Seongwoo, squints his eyes, “You won’t have any either. You just arrived.”

 

Seongwoo gives him a thumbs up, and then looks back at Daniel. “Let me help you.”

 

“No,” Daniel says, a little too erratically for comfort, “I can do it. No worries. We’re fine.”

 

“But-”

 

“Seriously. No worries.”

 

Seongwoo stops, stares at him for a while in a way that makes Daniel anxious. It’s like he can see that Daniel is hiding something, trying to escape. But then he nods, says okay, helps Daniel to at least walk Jaehwan out of the bar and pay his bills. When they’re outside he stops, looks at them again and then says bye right as the two of them are off. When he’s in the cab, Daniel heaves out a heavy sigh and then he picks up his phone and looks for Jisung’s number. 

 

-

 

Daniel has this weird dream that night. In the dream he’s in a playground, sitting on a swing all by himself and then suddenly Seongwoo is there. He looks at him and smiles, from afar, and Daniel smiles back. He walks towards him but Seongwoo falls suddenly. Daniel runs but he can’t find him there anymore, he’s alone again. So he turns around, walks towards the streets and finds his mother. She’s crying, her eyes white.

 

When he wakes up, he’s drenched in cold sweat.

 

-

 

He knows that what he’s doing isn’t nice, but he also doesn’t think he has any other choice. Daniel isn’t really a person to run from conflict but this is probably one of the few times in his life that he has no idea of what to do. Okay, that's probably a lie, he's been this clueless many and many times before. Maybe, actually, he’s mostly clueless all the time, but the he hardly ever cares about it. The thing is: he’s sure it’s not right to simply ignore Seongwoo the way he’s doing, but he does it anyway because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

 

Jisung tells him he’s a coward and stupid. Daniel sort of agrees.

But he still ignores him anyway.

 

It’s been a week since they went together to the bar. Seongwoo has called him, approached him at college, talked to him as if nothing has happened while Daniel evaded his efforts with lame excuses such as “I have homework to do” and “I really gotta go to the bathroom” or “My cats really need me”. His cats always needed him, true, but he wasn’t about to head home at 3 PM only because of that. Which was obvious, and by the look on Seongwoo’s face, he also knew it was obvious. 

 

Daniel sighs, taps his pencil against his notebook, eyes mindlessly wandering around the library. He feels heavy around his chest as he picks up the phone, scrolls down until he finds Seongwoo’s last message, staring at the screen with something akin to yearning weighing down in his heart.

 

The truth is, Daniel really wants to talk to him. 

The hard truth is: he keeps thinking about that quick moment behind the bar, their faces getting closer and closer to the point of almost kissing.

 

The harsh truth is: Seongwoo is going to die. And Daniel just can’t be getting attracted to someone who was about to die. It just seems to be the sort of thing with red flags all around it and people shouting at you “just don’t do it, man. It’s stupid.” Daniel is tired of being stupid. 

 

He can’t be just starting to like someone who is about to fucking die.

 

He growls, buries his face in his arms, just hoping he could just stop thinking about this. He just wants to be completely numb.

 

“Hey,” he hears and the voice alone is enough to make him jump up, eyes wide. Seongwoo is right in front of him, leaning against the counter, smiling at Daniel in a way that makes him hurt. Makes him hurt so bad. “Talking in your sleep again?”

 

“Wasn’t sleeping,” Daniel replies and instinctively looks around. He tries to find a way to get out of this situation, but he can’t just stand up and leave his job so he stays still and clears his throat. There’s barely people around them at this time of the night now that they’re out of exams season and he wonders if Seongwoo knew that when he came to him here. Shit. The smartass.

 

“Can we talk?” Seongwoo asks. “I feel like you’ve been avoiding me,” he says, straight to the point, as always.

 

Daniel laughs because he’s just too anxious. He looks around again. “I am not!”

 

“You are!”

 

“I’m not!”

 

“You’re honestly looking around like mad, probably trying to check for some escape route or whatever.”

 

“Ha!” Daniel chuckles, scratches the back of his neck. He can feel the flush of heat burning his neck, all up to his ears. “You’re mistaken. You’re- I was just busy.”

 

“With your cats? And the bathroom? And what else again?” Seongwoo retorts, eyebrows raised. He doesn’t look angry, Daniel notices. Not even upset. He just looks confused.

 

Daniel clears his throat. “Listen. It’s not what you’re thinking. And, as you can see, I’m working right now, I can’t talk.”

 

“Yeah. With all these lines of people studying right behind me,” Seongwoo looks back to the empty space behind him, “Sorry people, I’ll make way, just a few seconds here with my friend.”

 

“Shut up! There are people studying in the back.”

 

“I don’t care!” Seongwoo shout-whispers, leaning on the counter and Daniel instinctively backs away. The boy in front of him widens his eyes for the flash of a second, steps back. He’s hurt. Daniel can see in the way his softens hardens that he’s hurt.

 

Daniel’s eyes widen, panic spreading. And he feels himself wanting to hide, to cower, to just run away and leave. He couldn’t just have had let him alone, could he?

 

“It’s nothing. I’m just busy, I mean it.” Daniel says again, firm. 

 

Seongwoo pauses and something on his face shifts, changes. It’s like the glint in his eyes go somewhere else and the way he is staring at him makes Daniel even more nervous.  _ Don’t say it _ , he thinks.  _ Just don’t fucking say it _ .

 

“It’s because of what happened, right? Because I tried to kiss you?”

 

Daniel takes the blow, staring around the place again with worry, scared that someone heard them. He looks up at Seongwoo almost like he’s pleading him to just stop, to just shut up and leave him alone. To not talk to him anymore, to not make his heart race like this, to not make him want to be with him, talk to him. To just make things easier for the both of them. 

 

“I-,” Daniel starts and he doesn't say anything anymore. For a second he thinks about leaning in, asking for Seongwoo to follow him somewhere more private. He thinks of telling him what he’s feeling - that he wants to be friends, that he’s attracted to him in a way he has never felt attracted to anyone before and that’s fucking absurd. That he thinks he like him, sort of, maybe. But he’s going to die, and Daniel is the one who’ll kill him if he falls for him and he doesn’t want blood on his hands. He has hope that if he doesn’t act on his feelings maybe he’ll find out that Seongwoo’s name has left that stupid list. 

 

Of course, he says none of that, though.

What he says is:

 

“It’s nothing. I’m just busy.”

 

Seongwoo seems desperate. “Fuck, for real? You’re gonna keep at it?”

 

Daniel feels like suffocating, like he used to feel whenever he was caught lying. He feels anxious, stupid. Caught against a rock and a hard place. And his way out is never pretty whenever he feels cornered.

 

“I need to work,” he says, voice a little too rough, expression a little too hard, “If you could excuse me.”

 

Seongwoo doesn’t let go. “For real?”

 

There’s a second of silence where Daniel doesn’t say a thing anymore, expression hard, unreadable. Seongwoo lets out an exasperated sigh.

 

“I don’t get you,” he says, lets his guard, his face, his arms down and then he turns around, walks away without another world. Daniel is holding his breath.

 

He only breathes again once Seongwoo is out of the door.

  
  


-

 

He decides to go to his mother’s home for the holidays. Well, truth be told, it’s not only his decision but mostly Jisung's relentless requests, since it’d be one of his last holidays for the year. Daniel is happy that he obliged, though. There’s nothing better than his mother’s kimchi, his grandmother's tea, and his great-aunt’s blueberry pie. There’s also very little places on this earth that make him feel so relaxed. All the things he loves and treasures all under one roof.

 

All this and yet he can’t stop thinking about Ong Seongwoo.

 

Ever since they talked in the library and Daniel acted like a stupid asshole Seongwoo has stopped contacting him, which should make him feel relieved, in a way. He got what he asked for, Seongwoo left him alone. He was free to be, to pretend nothing ever happened, to pretend Ong Seongwoo never existed. But Daniel just simply couldn't stop thinking about him.

 

Even here, in this place, where he decided to come to get healed, to relax, even here Seongwoo is everywhere. He’s in the way his mother looks at him when she asks about how has life been and he knows that she knows. He’s in the song he hears while lying down on his old room’s bed, he’s on his phone every time he picks it up to check if there’s a new message, he’s in the love movie he watches with Jisung and his grandmother.

 

He’s in his great aunt's room, written in a book.

 

Daniel hasn’t checked that damn book for the whole holiday. He hasn’t even gotten anywhere near that room. But on Sunday, his last day here, he finally does what he has been wanting to do for days. He opens the door to the room, looking inside while the late light of dusk bathed the place lazily. But he finds someone inside, someone who has on his hands the very book Daniel is so scared of. 

 

Jisung looks up at him, startled, but relaxes as he notices that it's just Daniel. The smile he offers him is slightly guilty. “No new names,” he says and that’s not what Daniel wants to know.

 

He sits on the bed right by Jisung’s side, picks up the book and stares at the page his friend has open.  _ His _ name is still there, unchanged, just as he knew it’d be. Daniel heaves a deep sigh.

 

“Did you expect he wouldn’t be here anymore?”

 

“I guess,” he replies and closes his eyes. Jisung picks the book back again. “I tried.”

 

“What did you try? Not falling for him?”

 

Daniel shrugs. “Staying away, at least.”

 

Jisung nods, bites on his lower lip. Daniel can almost see the engines inside his head turning and turning as he thinks of something to say. “Listen. If your mom can see in the future, did you ever think about why that is? How?” Daniel only shrugs and Jisung sighs. “Something has to be set, written, just like his name here. Some things can change, sure, like she always tells us but something, some roles are set in stone. There are some things you can’t change, Daniel. Not unless you turn back time, I guess.”

 

The boy stays quiet, eyes fixated on the way the sunlight is shining on her grandma's closet. He smiles. “You sound like you’re such an expert in fate.”

 

Jisung hesitates for a second, but then he giggles at that. “I may know a thing or two about it, you know,” he looks at Daniel proudly, “I mean, don’t you think the way we met was fate? That a lost dumb boy like you would meet me and would rise to such high places thanks to my guidance?”

 

Daniel glares at him. “Sure.”

 

They laugh and Jisung places a hand on top of his, smiling at him in that way he used to when they were kids and Daniel hurt himself and went running to him to get help. “What I’m trying to say, Niel, is that there’s nothing you can do. The boy is going to die, whether you fall for him or not.”

 

“And what do I do with the guilt, then?” Daniel asks and Jisung squeezes his hand. 

 

“I’ll be here to help you,” he says, “and besides, you’re already sulking and shit. Just go at it.”

 

“It’s different. You know it’s different.”

 

“Be honest, Niel. You already have some feelings for the boy, look at you right now,” Daniel looks down, “You can be honest with yourself or keep lying. That’s your choice. It’s okay if you don’t want to suffer, but why leave the boy in the dark like this? Why keep yourself in the dark like this? Maybe if you allow yourself to just go and talk to him a bit more you won’t even like him all that much. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll find out he has crabs.”

 

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

 

“You gotta see it to find out, though.”

 

“God, you’re so stupid,” Daniel laughs, stares at Jisung’s hand on his own. Then he pauses, the thought of Seongwoo suddenly gone from his mind. He looks at the tattoo on Jisung’s forearm, the number  _ one _ written in a thin line a few inches below his wrist. He furrows his brow. “One?”

 

Jisung looks confused. “Yes?”

 

“Wasn’t it two?”

 

“What?”

 

“Your tattoo, it changed. You had the number two tattooed but now it’s one,” he slides his finger through the tattoo, squinting. He looks up to Jisung, who looks like he’s completely done with him.

 

“This again?”

 

“It was a two, I’m sure,” Jisung makes a “really, Daniel?” face, and he stomps his feet, “I’m not crazy!”

 

“You do this every time! Last time you said it was a three, now a two. It’s been one for ages.”

 

“It was not,” Daniel replies, looking at it again. There’s not even a shadow of the two he’s so sure he had seen, not a trace of it. And yet it seems so vivid in his mind, “I’m sure of it. What the fuck?”

 

“You can’t change tattoos, Daniel. I mean you can but not that easily,” Jisung says, pulling his arm back a little too strong. The smile he offers him seems a little too much, too forced. “Just the way you can’t change fate.”

 

Daniel smiles. “Smooth way of changing the topic. But I could swear it was a tw-”

 

“Talk to him,” Jisung cuts him off, voice firm. “There’s nothing else you can do.”

 

-

 

It’s been two days since he’s back home when he gets Seongwoo’s message.

 

Daniel arrives home, takes a shower. When he’s back in his room and checks his phone there’s a message, the one he’s been wanting to see so much and scared to see so much. He stops, thinks. Looks at his cat, who tilts his head and gives him that look full of knowledge that only cats manage to give while looking so cute. Daniel sighs.

 

He replies.

 

-

 

It takes him twenty minutes to arrive at the place Seongwoo had invited him to. It’s a square, hidden by tall trees and dim lamps, a playground in its middle. It’d be empty and eerie if not for the boy sitting in one of the swings, rocking himself back and forth, stupidly dragging his legs along the ground. Daniel finds himself smiling even though it aches a bit, twists and turns inside of him.  _ Be honest _ , he thinks. Just the thought alone is making him freak out.

 

How is he supposed to be honest?

 

“Hey,” he calls, and Seongwoo looks up and it kills Daniel slowly, seeing the way he smiles as though he’s genuinely happy to see him. There's something beautiful about the way he’s honest, earnest. About the way he has no fear of showing Daniel that he wants to see him, to be with him. There’s no fear in Seongwoo, no hesitation. They’re complete opposites.

 

“Hey,” Seongwoo echoes and Daniel doesn’t need an invitation to sit by his side, long legs making him all weird on that small swing. He doesn’t even know how he ends up fitting in it.. “I’m glad you came.”

 

“Yeah,” it’s all he he can reply because he doesn’t know what else fits. He stays silent, looking at the floor, all too aware of the way Seongwoo is looking at him. “You wanted to talk to me?”

 

Seongwoo laughs in a nervous way. “To be honest I just  _ really _ wanted to see you. So I tried texting and you took the bait,” Daniel looks at him and Seongwoo smiles in a way that makes his heart skip a beat, “So now you’re here and I don’t know what to say.”

 

He laughs anxiously and one again, Daniel doesn’t know what to say so he stays quiet, scared of the words that may come out of his mouth. The silence fills the air then, and it feels like it becomes matter, as if he can feel it touching his skin, making it hard to breathe. He tries to think of something, anything to say, to talk about. Something stupid. He wonders if Seongwoo likes soccer.

 

“I missed you,” the boy says, though. He just goes and fucking says it as if it’s okay to just go and fucking say it. “Is it that weird? I mean, we barely know each other, right? We barely talked. But I keep thinking about you and I missed you. I keep trying to think what I did wrong, what I said wrong that made you simply stop talking to me when I thought we were getting closer but I can't come up with anything. It makes me so mad, dude. It makes me so fucking mad,” he laughs and he sounds exhausted. “So, please. Please. Could you just tell me? I’ll back away then, I promise. If you don't want anything more with me it's okay, I can take a hint, okay? But I gotta know.”

 

Daniel feels trapped once again, the way Seongwoo is far too honest makes him suddenly too conscious of all his lies, of all the things he keeps hidden inside. He stares at him for a while and Seongwoo doesn’t budge, he doesn’t let go of his gaze even for a second. Once again, Daniel is the first one to look away. Once again, he’s the one who hesitates. It takes him a few seconds to think, to line up words in his mind, to make any sense out of the mess of feelings and thoughts that are running through his head. And Seongwoo respects his time.

 

Daniel sighs.

He guesses the best place to start is from the beginning.

 

“Do you believe in magic?” He asks, and when he looks at Seongwoo he has his eyebrows furrowed, some sort of confusion mixed with amusement in his expression.

 

“What?” He asks, looks around. “Are you about to confess you’re some sort of wizard?”

 

“No!” Daniel laughs and Seongwoo gives out a relieved (and theatrical) sigh. “No, I– shit, you ruined the moment.”

 

“I’m sorry,” he raises his hands up, “But you’re talking. That’s good. So. Please,” he motions him to continue.

 

Daniel can’t help a smile. “Do you believe it or not?”

 

“Not really, no. I mean I never really thought about it. But I guess not? I’ve watched David Blaine, though, and that shit was wild.”

 

“Well, it’s not really that sort of magic,” Daniel explains, feeling stupid already. It's always hard to talk about these sort of things out loud, “More like— Shit, how can I explain? Okay. My mother, she’s— She can see the future.”

 

Seongwoo stays in silence. “Okay,” there's a pause, “Okay I’m listening.”

 

“It has been like that since I was born. She’s a psychic, so she can see the future. She saw when my father was going to die. She’s seen many, many things. And she’s always right.”

 

The boy scoffs. “Sounds like a fucked up way to grow up, but go on.”

 

“I know right?” Daniel says, finally validated. Jisung is always on about how great it is to have a psychic as a mother. “But anyway... when I was young, she saw something about me and she told me.”

 

Seongwoo nods, looking focused.

 

“She saw that the person I fall in love with would die.”

 

Seongwoo blinks. He does it once, and then twice. He doesn’t laugh, nor does he mock him. He just blinks, face stone-serious.

 

“Like. Everyone?”

 

“No. Only my first love.”

 

“You never been in love, then?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay. Because they’ll die? You said die, right?”

 

“Yes, I did.”

 

“Okay. That sounds….” Seongwoo pauses for a bit too long.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m just… uh... processing it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Seongwoo stays in silence for a while, lips pressed together, looking at the dark sky. Then he exhales. “So you weren’t talking to me after we almost kissed because… you were scared you’d kill me?”

 

Now that he’s putting it this way, Daniel feels sort of embarrassed. “Ah... sort of? Yeah.”

 

Seongwoo looks ahead, staying quiet for a while. When he turns back to Daniel he has a resolute look on his face.

 

“You’re really weird.”

 

Daniel makes one of those really uncool sounds of his - one that goes between shock and annoyance. “What?”

 

“I mean, aren’t you going too fast? I wanted to kiss you, not marry you. Or are you one of those people who only kiss guys you’re in love with?” He gasps. “Are you in love with me already?”

 

“Shut up, I’m not!” Daniel is offended, caught off guard. This turn of events is completely opposite to what he was expecting. “I was just being cautious.”

 

“But it means you are in danger of falling for me, right? If you’re cautious enough to ignore me and all that means you were scared.”

 

“For fuck’s sake, this is what you’re focusing on?” Daniel asks and Seongwoo laughs, stands up. The boy stretches his arms above his head and Daniel can’t help but notice how he looks like someone who just took some heavy weight off his shoulder. As if the words he was expecting out of Daniel were much worse than “if I fall for you, you’ll die”. Daniel can’t quite understand what the hell is going on, how anything else he could've said could be worse than this.

 

“It’s just. It seems like an easy situation to fix. I mean. I want to be friends with you, you wanna be friends with me, right? All you gotta do is not fall for me, right?” Seongwoo smiles slyly, “Or… is that too hard?”

 

Daniel has to control himself to not roll his eyes. “Dude-”

 

“Because I totally understand if that’s too hard.”

 

“Man-”

 

“I also find it hard not to fall in love with my own self on a daily basis.”

 

“Fuck you. Seriously.”

 

Seongwoo crunches right in front of him, this odd but satisfied smile on his face that sends a shiver right down Daniel’s spine. There are those minutes Daniel forgets how beautiful Seongwoo is and he just comes and stands this close and it’s like a huge slap to his face that he has to hold himself to the swing with both hands to just not fall. Not only in the literal sense of the word.

 

When Daniel finally speaks, he sounds tired. “You don’t believe me.”

 

“I do.”

 

“No, you don’t. You don’t really believe me.”

 

“Well, I believe you believe in that and that’s important, right?” Seongwoo says, looks satisfied with himself, “I just think you’re overthinking. Let’s hang out, see what happens. Just. Don’t fall for me.”

 

Daniel wants to hit his head against a wall. He wants to shout at him, to scream. He wants to tell him that Seongwoo has his name written on a book in his grandmother’s closet and that he’s going to die. But he feels ridiculous enough already, talking about curses and seeing the future and all those things that Ong Seongwoo doesn’t believe in. He feels pathetic, but most of all he feels selfish, staring at the boy in a squat position right in front of him, the three moles on his cheek, smiling cheekily as if he got everything figured out. He feels selfish because Daniel wants to see more of who he is, more of his smiles, more of his wit, more of him. So instead of talking about the book and his curse and how  _ yes _ , it's true, he is about to fall for him, and he’s going to be the one who ends him, all Daniel says is:

 

“That won’t be all that hard, to be honest.”

 

Seongwoo smiles brightly.

Daniel knows he’s making a mistake.

 

-

 

Truth be told, it’s hard to not get used to the presence of Ong Seongwoo.

 

It should be weird how smoothly things go. How after their conversation Seongwoo appears the next day after his work hours and they walk home. How on the following week he starts having lunch with him, sometimes with his friends. How he becomes a part of their little group so effortlessly. It makes him almost wonder how he has ever doubted fate, because what else could it be? What else could’ve put him into his life after he saw his name into damn book? He can’t find any explanation that isn't fate itself working its fingers so Kang Daniel can suffer as much as possible.

 

And suffer he does, as soon as he watches him approaching him as he sits outside, limbs sprawled on the grass, basking in the sun’s light. He suffers because here Seongwoo comes, all dressed up in denim and black jacket, dark hair falling on his eyes. It’s a little tradition of his, to sit around after classes when it’s sunny, to allow himself to believe that he has time to spare. That sort of thing young people seem to enjoy doing. Most days Daniel does this with his friends but oddly enough everyone was busy today. Except for Seongwoo. 

 

“Hey,” he calls and Seongwoo smiles that one smile that always pulls all the right strings of Daniel’s heart.

 

“Hey,” he echoes as he sits by Daniel’s side and he counts the moles on his cheek. One, two and then three. Just like that constellation his mother used to talk about when he was a kid, the Three Sisters.

 

What the fuck is he even thinking about?

 

“Just chilling?” Seongwoo asks, and the wind does this thing where it messes with Seongwoo’s hair and it messes with Daniel’s chest all the same. He has to look away and back to the grass. Grass, he finds out, is much safer, “It’s weird to find you outside and not sleeping around campus.”

 

“Sleeping around campus,” Daniel echoes, “You know this sounds weird, right?”

 

Seongwoo cackles. “Well. Now you know who spread the rumors.”

 

“Asshole,” Daniel says, but it has no bite at all. They stay in silence for a while, Daniel playing with the sleeve of his flannel shirt, just waiting. He knows just by the way Seongwoo seems restless that he wants to say something but is bottling it up, fighting to find the right words.

 

“So,” he finally starts, “I have a question.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“It’s about that whole thing you told me that night a couple of weeks ago.”

 

Daniel was expecting that. “Hm?”

 

Seongwoo pauses. Daniel looks at him, waiting as the boy looks at him and then around them, and then back at him with that sort of mischievous look on his eyes that already makes Daniel prepare himself for whatever that is about to come from the boy’s mouth. It won’t be serious, that he’s sure of.

 

“So. If you fall for someone the person dies, right?”

 

“Yup. That’s pretty much it.”

 

“Fall in love, though? You have to be in love?”

 

Daniel nods. Seongwoo nods back.

 

“So. Love is the point of the curse, right? You have to be in love. So. That doesn’t mean. You can’t. You know?”

 

“What?”

 

“Well, you know.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Come on!”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“Don’t be dense!” Seongwoo looks around again, and then back to Daniel. “I mean. Have you ever.  _ You know _ .”

 

It takes him a whole second. A whole second of staring at Seongwoo until he wiggles his eyebrows in this ridiculous way, starts to laugh. Daniel stares at him, in complete disbelief, laughter falling from his lips too because hearing Seongwoo’s laughter has that whole effect on him.

 

“Are you honestly asking me if I’m a virgin?” Seongwoo nods enthusiastically. “You’re fucking shitting me that’s what you want to know.”

 

“What? I’m curious.”

 

Daniel surrenders. “Yes, I have.  _ You know _ ,” his voice comes out high pitched, wrong even to his own ears. Seongwoo raises his eyebrows at him, “Would there be a problem if I haven’t?”

 

“Not at all. I was just wondering what was your position,” a calculated pause and Daniel reacts a bit too soon which is obviously what Seongwoo wanted, “God, you’re a freak. I meant your position in the whole hooking up versus feelings sort of thing. What sort of perversity were you even thinking I was asking?”

 

“Shut up, you did that on purpose,” Daniel sends him a glare, and then looks away. For whatever reason, it’s hard talking about this with Seongwoo while looking him in the eye. “I’ve hooked up if that’s what you’re asking. No one died. The whole point is that I can’t be in love with the person. That’s all.”

 

“Oh,” Seongwoo says, also looks away. “That's fun.”

 

“What’s fun?”

 

“You’re a man who has flings,” Seongwoo says, looking smug. Daniel wants to hit him. “One night stands. That’s fun.”

 

Daniel scoffs. “And what’s so fun about that?

 

Seongwoo smirks. “Must be fun to you!”

 

“You,” he laughs, they laugh. Daniel shrugs, looks away. He can feel his cheeks getting red and he hates it. “Why were you even curious about this, though?”

 

“Nothing. Just curious,” then he looks away, adding quickly, “ _ and  _ checking if I had a chance.”

 

“What?”

 

“What?”

 

“What did you say?”

 

The boy shrugs, a smile pulling on the corner of his lips but he keeps it together. A professional. “Nothing! I said nothing. Are you ok?”

 

“God damn it, Seon-”

 

“Stare a little bit more and Seongwoo will melt,” an annoying voice mocks and the two of them look up, startled. Both Jaehwan and Sewoon are suddenly standing near them and Daniel can’t help but wonder when did they even approach the two of them, he didn’t even hear their steps. How lost in Seongwoo was he that he didn’t even hear them? Jaehwan looks back to Sewoon as their friend simply shrugs. Preposterous. He wasn’t even staring at Seongwoo all that hard. 

 

Truth be told Daniel loves Jaehwan more than anything in this world but sometimes he does wish he was anywhere but by his side saying stupid shit like that. So he glares at Jaehwan with the strength only a man in complete denial about falling in love with the man whom he knows is going to die and maybe he'll be the one to blame can manage but Jaehwan only smiles in that stupid way he does whenever he thinks he’s being clever. Then the expression melts in a tired one. “I’m so exhausted. Not even mocking Niel is making me happy”

 

“Poor you,” Sewoon says, rolling his eyes to Daniel who smiles, understanding, though there’s this relief he feels by seeing them together. After that whole situation in the bar they spent quite some time not even looking at each other’s eyes: Jaehwan was too embarrassed and Sewoon was too proud. He doesn’t quite remember when Sewoon and Jaehwan ended up talking again, but truth be told he had barely been paying attention to his friends’ business lately, all too encompassed in his own love life for a change. He stares at them for a while too much and Sewoon sends him an odd look. “Come on, let’s go. I feel like we’re being a nuisance.”

 

“You’re not,” Daniel protests, “I mean not you, at least.”

 

“Rude,” Jaehwan says, “You’re unbelievably rude. I don’t know why I even talk to you,” he inhales deeply, as if talking to Daniel just made him spend a ridiculous amount of energy, “Let’s go.”

 

The two walk away from them, distant and yet a little closer than how they used to walk. Daniel notices something at the bottom of his stomach. Something that feels a little too much like jealousy. Not a good feeling to be having towards friends.

 

“They seem okay,” Seongwoo says, and Daniel looks back at him. He shrugs. “With each other, I mean.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“Did they talk? No one told me anything but I guess it makes sense since I was the one who almost fucked shit up.”

 

“You did. You fucked with the balance,” Daniel looks back, right in time to see Sewoon landing a light punch on Jaehwan’s arm, who reacted with too many dramatics. “I don’t know, no one told me anything too but everyone’s been busy. I’m glad they worked things out, though. It was always such a drama.”

 

“Yeah,” Seongwoo says, sounding absent-minded, “I feel bad for Youngmin, though.”

 

Daniel notices how stupid his question is just after making it, “Why?”

 

Seongwoo looks at him, all trace of the teasing and joking they were playing with all gone. He clears his throat, looks serious as he stands up, lends a hand to Daniel to help him up too. There’s something about the way Seongwoo is looking at him that sends jolts down Daniel’s spine.

 

“Well, it’s a hard spot to be in, you know,” he says finally, picking up a cigarette from his back pocket, “When you have no chance with the one person you want.”

 

For a second there, Daniel forgets how to breathe. He stares as Seongwoo lights up his cigarette, stares as the smoke leaves his lips, warm against the cold air. He never knew Seongwoo smoked. He wonders how many things about him he’ll never get to know. Daniel stares while Seongwoo looks back at him, smile a little. 

 

“See you tomorrow?” He says, and then, just like that, just with a turn of his heels, he leaves.

 

_ It’s hard _ , Daniel thinks, staring at Seongwoo’s back as he goes. 

It’s hard not to fall in love with Ong Seongwoo.

 

-

 

Daniel once asked his mother how would he know if he ever fell in love. 

 

He has had boyfriends. He has had girlfriends. He has looked people in the eye and thought that he loved them and then he’d cry himself to sleep because he was so scared he would’ve killed them. But they were all alive and well. Daniel never killed anyone. Daniel never fell in love.

 

So he asked her, and his mother smiled.

 

“Ah, baby,” she said, “You’ll know it, don’t worry.”

 

That answer wasn’t good enough.

 

“Just explain it to me. Just a little bit.”

 

His mother stopped cooking, looked at him for a while. “You know when you’re walking and then there’s a step on your way but you didn’t see it? So you drop, and for a second there you’re sure you’re going to keep falling forever?”

 

Daniel nods.

 

His mother smiles.

 

“It’s a bit like that.”

 

-

 

Daniel sighs, eyes up to the sky as he watches the rain falling down. He should’ve known this would be how his night would end. He should’ve known right when Jisung was leaving and paused only to take a peek into his room and tell him to take an umbrella with him. It was so obvious and yet Daniel still forgot the umbrella, he still didn’t listen. Sometimes, for the son of a psychic woman, Daniel can be sort of dense to all things about the future. 

 

He sighs, picks up his phone only to stare for the tenth time at Jisung’s message about how he’s going to be home late since one of his patients is not doing well. And to be completely honest he’d rather not ask for Jisung’s help. He can almost hear his friend whining, telling him he should’ve listened to him and bring a fucking umbrella.The possibility of listening to Jisung’s nagging alone is enough to make Daniel cringe, and suddenly the cold rain is not that bad. Well, if he runs a bit, maybe it won’t be too bad, right? He’ll get home and get a nice hot shower and then go to bed. And if he comes down with some cold he’ll just pretend nothing ever happened so Jisung won’t freak. That’s a plan. That sounds like a plan.

 

And he’s about to head into the rain when he feels someone holding his backpack and Daniel looks back, startled, though he shouldn’t be all this surprised. Of course it’s  _ him _ . Of course Ong Seongwoo would find him right now, just as he is leaving work, just as he’s about to head into the stupid cold rain.

 

Of course he’s holding a damn umbrella.

 

“What are you doing?” He asks and Daniel shrugs.

 

“Going home.”

 

“It’s raining,” he says, matter of factly.

 

“Very observative of you,” Daniel jabs and Seongwoo gives him an annoyed face. “I forgot my umbrella.”

 

The boy scoffs. ‘That’s very Daniel of you.”

 

“Haha. So funny.”

 

“It is, though. It’s very funny.”

 

“Listen-”

 

“I’ll walk you home, then,” Seongwoo says, opening up his umbrella, walking a few steps outside of the marquise they were taking shelter in. Daniel stays inside, staring at him from the door. He feels a heavy weight in his chest making it hard to breathe. He feels as if once he steps outside of the library and near Seongwoo’s reach, he’ll be taking one step too far, to a point of no return. That makes him want to laugh. It’s funny how he keeps thinking he’s not too far gone, that he’s still in control.

 

Seongwoo beckons him. Daniel smiles. 

 

Fuck it, seriously.

God knows he tried.   
He just hopes He’ll forgive him.

 

He takes the step.

 

The boy smiles when Daniel reaches his side

 

The way home is filled with an easy conversation and a proximity that makes him slightly anxious, though maybe slightly is an understatement. They are shoulder to shoulder, walking side by side and Daniel suddenly feels hyper-aware of his own limbs. The way he walks, the way the back of his hand touch him from tim to time, sending an uninvited shiver down his spine, making his stomach twist. It's stupid. He feels stupid. He shouldn't feel like this, he's done everything to not feel like this and yet here he is feeling just too much. 

 

“Yo. Are you listening to me?” There's a poke to his side and Daniel jumps, leaving the shelter of the umbrella for a second before going back, bumping against Seongwoo in the process.

 

“I am!”

 

“What was I  saying then?” Daniel pauses and Seongwoo smiles, cheeky. “Got ya,” he sends him a glare, “Why are you so distracted tonight?”

 

Daniel rolls his eyes, “I'm not distracted.”

 

“Is it because you're so close to me? Are you getting anxious around me now?” He jokes but it hits too close to home. Daniel simply laughs weakly, shrugs, stares away. It's like breathing becomes all too heavy of a burden so he has to pay close attention to it. 

 

Daniel wonders then if falling in love is always like this. This suffocating, this all-encompassing. If it's always this destructive, with this sort of longing, with so much need. Or if it's just for him - him and his curse, him and Ong Seongwoo, the boy who’s going to die. Daniel wonders then too if maybe his mother got it all wrong from the beginning. Maybe it's not that the one who Daniel falls for is supposed to die, but rather him who was supposed to fall for the dying boy all along.

 

“Hey. You're not playing your part, you know,” Seongwoo says after a while, and his voice sounds quiet amidst the falling rain. Daniel doesn't look at him, he wouldn't dare to. Not here, not now as they walk through his empty street and he’s so close to home, not when Seongwoo’s voice rings in this way that makes his skin ache, crave. He looks straight ahead. He tries to be strong this one last time.

 

But he still asks.

 

“What part?”

 

“Well, you know. When I tease you you're supposed to laugh it off, to tell me it's nothing like I'm thinking. But you keep quiet or looking at me like that you'll make me hopeful,” he pauses, doesn't say anything anymore for a second, “And that’s not really nice.”

 

Daniel feels like the air around them is about to break. He wants to say something. He wants this moment to end, he wants them to go back to the atmosphere they had a few minutes ago. Playful, safe. He doesn’t like when Seongwoo is this honest, this straightforward mostly because it makes him feel incomplete, empty. It makes him feel lacking in the face of someone so whole. How could he even want to be with him? How could he even dare? Daniel doesn’t deserve him. He truly doesn’t.

 

Five more steps and they arrive by Daniel’s door. The two of them stop and Daniel feels like his whole body is wired up, build in all the wrong ways. “I should go,” he says and he doesn’t look at Seongwoo. That’s stupid. That’s weak. “Thanks for the ride.”

 

Seongwoo doesn’t reply. He just looks away, biting on his lower lip, looking anxious. Daniel tries a smile and a nod and tries to walk away, to get away as quickly as he can. But then he feels something on his hand, he feels this warmth as Seongwoo holds him and he looks up, finally. He regrets looking at him just as he does. He regrets allowing Seongwoo to hold his hand, regrets allowing him to look at him with this softness, this tenderness that makes Daniel need to breathe in heavily, to find air in any way he can or he’s sure he’ll suffocate. Seongwoo’s thumb caresses the back of his hand and Daniel feels weak on his knees.

 

“If you want me to stop just tell me,” Seongwoo says softly and Daniel breaks.

 

_ Stop _ , he thinks, but he doesn’t say it. Seongwoo is still, staring right in his eyes as if waiting, giving him time. Then he starts leaning in slowly.

 

_ Stop. _

 

He thinks, but his body won’t listen. He stays still, eyes locked on Seongwoo’s when he pauses, almost as if to check if Daniel is taking a step back, almost as if asking for his permission. Daniel looks at Seongwoo’s lips and then back to his eyes, he shivers. Seongwoo closes his eyes.

 

When Seongwoo kisses him, Daniel understands what his mother had meant when she said he’d know it when he fell in love. Because he knows it, right here, he knows it far too well.. He understands and yet he thinks this is much more than that. He feels that the tightness around his chest, the way his skin suddenly awakes and burns is much, much more than what he expected. Daniel doesn’t feel like he suddenly had missed a step, he feels like he had just fallen from a precipice, like he’s still in free fall.

 

_ No. _

 

His hand is on Seongwoo chest when they break apart and Daniel stays with his eyes closed a second too long. When he opens his eyes Seongwoo is still close, still looking at him as he breathes heavily.

 

“You didn’t say stop,” he says in the way of an apology. Daniel shakes his head.

 

“We shouldn’t,” he tries, “I shouldn’t-”

 

“Listen,” Seongwoo doesn’t let go of his hand. He looks around, as though for the first time remembering they’re in the middle of a street, “Can we talk? At your house?”

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Please. I want to be with you. Just a little longer.”

 

Daniel keeps staring at him. He looks at his door and then back at Seongwoo. They’re still close, too close and Daniel can’t take it. He feels tired, exhausted like he just ran miles and miles. He feels exactly like a man should feel after fighting and fighting only to lose the battle in the end. So he gives up. He raises the white flag. Or he think he does. He probably raised that flag a long while ago.

 

He leans in, lets his forehead rest against Seongwoo’s shoulder. He can feel the boy’s heart racing under his fingertips. “I’ve told you,” he says, sounds tired, “I told you everything. Why couldn’t you just let me be?”

 

Seongwoo’s shoulder shakes slightly when he laughs. “Really, Kang Daniel. Don’t you believe in magic?”

 

-

 

His room is messier than he thought it’d be, and Daniel rushes to try picking up and sorts of unfolded clothes and socks all around. Seongwoo cackles behind him, linger by his room’s door. 

 

“Well. This was to be expected..”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Oh,” Seongwoo pauses, picks something from the floor, “Is this underwear?”

 

Daniel almost jumps towards him, picks up the piece of cloth on Seongwoo’s hand. It’s just a shirt. “Just sit down!”

 

The boy laughs, sits on Daniel’s bed right as he sits by his side. They both lean against the wall just before Daniel leans in again, picks up a bag of jellies from his drawer. He feels he needs it for this sort of conversation.

 

“Jellies,” Seongwoo points out, “Very mature. Very adult.”

 

Daniel glares at him, shoving a jelly in his mouth. “You had something to say or are you going to keep deflecting through humor?”

 

“Ouch,” Seongwoo smiles. He pauses, stares. Then he sighs, leans his head against the wall, looks at Daniel. “You like me, don’t you?”

 

Well.

Straightforward as fucking always.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“Just say yes or no.”

 

Daniel stays quiet, looks down to his hand. It’s a terrifying feeling to know the answer to a question and yet be so scared of it. He looks up again and looks at Seongwoo’s eyes. He thinks about lying. He thinks about saying no, about pretending that whole scene downstairs never happened. About telling him he’s attracted to him and that’s all there is. But he can’t, he honestly can’t. Jisung always told him he’s a terrible liar.

 

“You know what I think?” Seongwoo continues after a minute of silence; after he knows Daniel just won’t say a word, “I think you like me. I think you want to be with me but you’re scared because of this stupid curse.”

 

Daniel stiffens. “It’s not stupid.”

 

“I know you believe it. Look it’s not like I don’t believe it, I just don’t want to put something as important as  _ this _ on the line because once someone told you you’d kill whoever you love.” Seongwoo reaches out for his hand and Daniel allows him to hold it. “What if it doesn’t happen? What if she made a mistake? What if we change it? Isn’t there a way to break curses? If they exist they can be broken.”

 

Daniel scoffs, look down at their entangled hands. His mother is never wrong, that he knows. For years he never saw her make a mistake just once. And yet here he is, being swindled by Seongwoo’s words, wondering if maybe he has a point, maybe they have a chance. Is he being selfish? Is he being stupid?

 

“The only way to break a curse is through sacrifice,” he echoes his mother’s words almost without thinking.

 

“Well, that’s settled then. A sacrifice it is. Do we need, what? A virgin?”

 

They laugh and for a second there it’s so simple Daniel forgets. Or at least he wants to. He wants to forget he’s cursed. He wants to forget who Seongwoo is. He just wants to be a normal 21-year-old boy who fell in love with a funny guy in a library. “No, not a virgin. But we’ll need at least 5 chickens.”

 

Seongwoo makes a face. “Chickens? Why it’s always chicken? Can we at least fry them once they were sacrificed?”

 

Daniel shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s how sacrifices work, Ong.”

 

They’re still holding hands. They’re still sitting side by side. Daniel feels that if he had any way to run from this, any way to get away, it’s completely over now. As if he’s trapped, as if he tries to push away again he’ll be pulled back in this all over again. He feels like there’s nothing he can do to stay away from Ong Seongwoo, it doesn’t matter how much he tries.

 

_ It’s fate _ , his mother would say.

_ You’re being irresponsibl _ e, he thinks.

 

But it’s Jisung’s voice that stands out to him the most.

 

_ You deserve to love too, Daniel. _

 

“Are you sure of this? That you want to be with me?” He asks suddenly and he feels his cheeks flush quickly as the words come out this straightforward. But he tries to stay strong, looks up and stares at Seongwoo right in his eyes. He owes him this much. He owes him honesty. “Do you think it’s really worth it?”

 

Seongwoo breathes in, closes his eyes, places a hand below his chin in a thinking position. “The stakes are high. I mean. Dying? Jesus,” Daniel is about to distance himself but Seongwoo holds him close, his playful tone now serious as he says, “You are. This?  _ Us _ ? It’s worth it. I mean it.”

 

Daniel has to close his eyes, remind himself to breathe, gently teach himself how to do it. Seongwoo’s hand is on his face, caressing his cheek. He allows it. He just allows it. He allows everything.

 

“And besides,” Seongwoo says, now so close Daniel can see the little lines under his eyes. Fuck, God is so unfair. Of all the people he could fall for did he have to be this breathtaking? “A sacrifice, right? How hard can it be to get one?”

 

Daniel laughs.

And falls.   
He falls so easily.

 

-

 

Jisung arrives earlier than usual that night and he finds Daniel sitting on the couch with an expression that is hard to read. Daniel looks at him, smiles and it falters.

 

Daniel can see that Jisung knows he has to be careful. “Why are you still up?”

 

“I kissed him,” he says and Jisung pauses, confused. Then his face melts in a kind smile, and Daniel feels warm. “I think I love him, Jisung.”

 

“Are you scared?” His friend asks and Daniel nods, legs shaking. “That’s good.”

 

He sits by his side and Daniel stays still, legs still shaking and hands tightly held together on top of his knees. Seongwoo had come to his room that night. They had talked, Daniel had told him once again about the curse. They kissed again. And again. And again.

 

“Am I being selfish?” He asks and Jisung bites on his lower lip. 

 

“You can afford to be selfish once.”

 

“What if he dies?”

 

Jisung pauses, reaches for Daniel’s face and wipes the tear that is stubbornly falling from his eye. 

 

“He won’t,” he says and he seems sure of it, “We’ll do something about this.”

 

Daniel looks up, hopeful. “You know what to do?”

 

Jisung smiles. “I can try.”

 

-

 

It’s a strange week.

 

A strange week that goes by way too quick. Daniel barely sees it passing by, suddenly all too involved with everything that is happening in his life. And by everything, he means Ong Seongwoo.

 

By all means the week is nothing but their usual. Daniel goes to classes, he goes to work. Sometimes Seongwoo shows up to talk to him sometimes he doesn’t. By all means, it’s a week like no other except there this anxiety in the bottom of Daniel’s stomach every time they manage to see each other, this weird twist in his chest. It’s different, way too different in the way they approach each other, Seongwoo always extending his hand, Daniel always taking a second too long to accept it. He’s still scared, still worried - but it’s blurring, fading away at the back of his mind, his happiness suddenly a little too much, a little too sharp.

 

Was that how his mother also fell for his father?

Did she see his name in the book? Did she just give up on trying to fight fate and just decided to love him and then deal with the consequences later?

Was she also this selfish, this horrible?

 

“What are you thinking about?” Seongwoo asks and Daniel looks back. It’s Saturday and the two of them are sitting on Daniel’s couch, watching some pretentious movie that Daniel is barely understanding, but Seongwoo said everyone loved it so they totally should watch. 

 

“Nothing,” Daniel lies and he gets closer to him, kisses his neck. Seongwoo giggles, turns around so they’re facing each other, his hand already on the back of Daniel’s neck, drawing him close.

 

And that’s when the door opens.

 

“Ah, I’m starving,” Jisung is saying, without even looking up, “I feel like I’m probably dying. Working on a Saturday? What sort of life is that? Please, Niel, you gotta help me I-,” he finally, finally stops talking, staring at the two of them entangled on the couch with wide eyes. “Oh.” It’s all he says. A horrible second drags by. “Oh,” he repeats.

 

Seongwoo almost throws Daniel out of the couch, standing up quickly and bowing deeply. “Good night, I’m Ong Seongwoo,” he says too quickly and Jisung just stands there, eyes going from Seongwoo’s flushed cheeks to Daniel’s swollen lips. The smile he gives is beautiful and wicked and Daniel knows he’s up to no good. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Jisung says as he takes off his shoes and Daniel’s eyebrows raise just as someone enters the room with him, and Taewoong stops just behind him. As if this couldn’t get any worse. “Look, Tae. It’s Daniel’s boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Daniel protests, but Seongwoo simply bows again, his “Nice to meet you,” so loud that his protest is not even heard. Jisung smile widens and Daniel wants to die.

 

“So,” he starts, raises the plastic bag on his hand, “Who wants hot pot?”

 

-

 

Dinner goes easily, though Jisung does have a way of making even the hardest situations go smoothly. It was stupid to be this scared, Daniel thinks as he watches Seongwoo saying something that makes Jisung almost choke on his drink, eyes going wide as he replies with something even more ridiculous. But there’s something about sitting here, by Seongwoo’s side, about watching Jisung lean his head on Taewoong’s shoulder, about this whole moment that feels weird, nonsensical. Maybe it’s because it’s something that Daniel always wanted and yet thought he’d never have: sitting here with someone he loves, introducing him to his friends. Something that’s so easy for everyone else but he knew it’d be impossible for him. 

 

And yet here he is.

 

“Anyway,” Jisung is saying and Daniel pays attention again, smiling at the way his friend’s cheeks are flushed. He’s drunk. He’s way too drunk. “In the end everything went by okay. The girl is going home tomorrow and I think that for my first year as a resident, I did quite well!”

 

Daniel furrows his brows, feeling confused. He should stop getting distracted and just listen to what people are talking about. “What girl?”

 

“The girl I was just talking about.” Jisung replied, obviously annoyed, “I told you about her a billion times, she’s first patient I ever treated as a resident.”

 

“That girl?” Now Daniel is throughly confused, “The one the head doctor told you you didn’t need to check one more time? Didn’t she die?”

 

Daniel feels weird, sort of dizzy as he tries to recollect the memory, like the memory is drifting away from him. He remembers flashes of it, remembers Jisung being sad, talking about how he didn’t check up on her again during his night shift, how she had a cardiac arrest. But the memory is blurred, fuzzy, and he also remembers something else: he remembers Jisung telling him he helped her. He remembers Jisung arriving home happy, telling about how he saved her because he ignored the head doctor’s instructions and went on his own to check on her again. It all feels foggy in his mind and he doesn’t know which memory is real anymore. His head hurts.

 

Jisung widens his eyes at him for the split of a second, a micro expression that only one who knows him far too well as Daniel does would catch. He doesn’t understand. “What? No. That never happened,” he says, and Daniel can’t help but notice that his friend’s hands are shaking as he suddenly drops his chopstick, laughs nervously. But it all lasts nothing but a second, soon Jisung is smiling, looking at him as if he’s crazy. “Maybe you dreamed it?”

 

Daniel doesn’t think he dreamed it. As hazy as the memory is it doesn’t feel like a dream. And there’s something about the way Jisung seems nervous, anxious, that gets to him, makes him even more confused. But Seongwoo takes his hand in his own, and Jisung laughs, shakes his head, talks about how Daniel speaks nonsense from time to time.

 

Maybe he is going mad.

 

“You have too many patients,” Daniel says, sounding distant, “Maybe that’s it.”

 

“Maybe it is,” Jisung agrees, picks up the bottle of soju, stares at Seongwoo with fury in his eyes. “Ah. You little minx, you drank it all!”

 

“I didn’t,” Seongwoo swears, and they all look to Daniel. “He did.”

 

“I didn’t even drink that much!”

 

“You have issues,” Jisung points out, “You two. Go buy us more soju.”

 

Daniel is ready to whine, ready to tell him to stop treating him like a kid, but quickly Seongwoo is on his feet, pulling Daniel together with him. “We’ll be back in a minute,” he says and Daniel doesn’t even have the time to protest. Soon the two of them are with their shoes on and out of the door and on their way to the elevator. Daniel sends him a glare.

 

“You’re such a pushover,” he says and Seongwoo shrugs as they enter the elevator, “I didn’t wanna go!”

 

“Look, I know this is stupid, but I feel like I’m meeting your mother or something,” he says and Daniel laughs. “So just bear with me, ok?”

 

“If you meet my mother you’ll be running errands for her, then? That’s excessive,” he points out and Seongwoo grins a way that makes Daniel be sure that he fell into some sort of trap.

 

The boy opens the door of the building. “So,” he starts, “you’re already thinking about me meeting your mother? You go too fast, Kang Daniel, I can’t keep up.”

 

Daniel wants to smack his face. “For fuck’s sake, you brought up the mother thing first, so shove it u-,” he pauses when he feels cold lips against his, taking him by surprise. Daniel pushes him off, punches the boy’s chest when he sees him laughing at his face. “Asshole!” He says, but he pulls him closer, cups his face before kissing his cold lips again. His heart is beating so fast he feels he’s about to explode. When they break apart Daniel looks around, anxious, scared but also happier than he has ever been. Seongwoo sends him a look.

 

“There’s no one around, it’s okay,” he whispers, and then he takes Daniel’s hand on his own, “Where’s the convenience store?”

 

“Around the corner,” Daniel says and then starts walking.

 

And that’s when it happens.

 

It’s just a flash of a second. One moment Seongwoo’s there, hand on his and then the next he trips, falling to the side of the road. At that very moment, the roar of an engine shouts, and Daniel feels his heart stop. It all goes by too fast: the car flashes by him, and he feels himself being tugged, strong hands pulling on his elbows. When he opens his eyes Seongwoo is on his knees by the sideway, eyes wide, breathing shallow. 

 

“Fuck,” the boy breathes out and Daniel is still holding his own breath. He lets go of him, takes a step back, tries not to suffocate. Further down the street the car stops abruptly and a lady gets out. She shouts as she runs towards them, “Kid, are you ok?”

 

“Yeah,” Seongwoo shouts back but his eyes won’t leave Daniel, “I’m fine.”

 

“That was close,” the lady says and she sounds worried. Daniel doesn’t look at her, though, he doesn’t say a thing. His eyes are stuck on Seongwoo, who is looking at him with terrified eyes as he stands up again.  _ It was close _ , the lady said.  _ Close. _

 

Seongwoo almost died.

 

“No,” he says and he looks at his hands. There’s blood in them. They’re red. “No.”

 

“Niel,” Seongwoo calls and Daniel takes one more step back.  _ No _ . “Niel. I’m fine.”

 

“I should go,” he says, looks up. He’s shaking. “I should.”

 

“Niel. Please. It was an accident. I tripped and almost fell on the road, that’s all. You have noth-”

 

He shakes his head. “I should go,” he repeats.

 

“No. Don’t- Don’t do this-”

 

He turns around, looks away. His legs are weak, shaking all over the place but he makes it to the building before Seongwoo can catch it, opens the door and closes it. Panic rises like a wave, washes over him and Daniel closes his eyes, has to inhale in deeply until his lungs hurt. He bangs his head against the wall and ignores the ringing cell phone in his pocket, ignores the knocks on the door.

 

What has he done?

  
  


-

 

He doesn’t leave his room the next day. He doesn’t leave his room on the next day after that either.

 

Daniel feels like something is eating him from the inside, gnawing on the edges of his soul. It’s a sharp sort of pain that hurts when he breathes in, when he opens his eyes. The scene keeps replaying in his mind - the car approaching, the way Seongwoo fell out of nowhere, as if by magic, as if by fate. One second on his arm, the next he wasn’t. Out of reach. He closes his eyes tight.

 

He calls his mother in the morning. He tells her everything and she just listens as he cries, listens as he breaks. In the end, she tells him she’s sorry, tells him to remember everything passes, everything has an end. Daniel hangs up.

 

There’s a knock on his door after, Jisung tells him to eat.

There’s a knock on his door a while later, Daniel can’t quite pinpoint the time. But this time the door opens and he’s ready to tell Jisung to go away. 

 

But it’s not Jisung that sits down on his bed and places a hand on his head. Daniel looks up and then backs away, sits down, back against the wall. Seongwoo looks hurt by that but he doesn’t say anything. 

 

Seongwoo sighs. “This brooding look doesn’t do you any favors, to be honest.”

 

“What are you doing here?” Daniel says, voice rough from the lack of use. Seongwoo shifts his place on the bed, faces him.

 

“I came to see you. You didn’t answer my calls, didn’t reply to my texts. I care for you so I came to see you.”

 

“I’m fine,” Daniel smiles, ignores the dull pain in his heart just by hearing him say he cares, “Thanks. You can go.”

 

Seongwoo nods, lips pressed on a thin line. Then he exhales, looks down to his hands. “Jisung told me everything,” he starts and Daniel looks up, dirty blond strands falling on his eyes, “He told me about the book. Told me my name is on it. He told me that according to your family beliefs I have until December to live. We’re in November so, if I can be honest with you, that made me a little nervous.”

 

Daniel shakes his head, anger filling him up. “He shouldn’t have told you.”

 

“It seems like the sort of thing I should know.”

 

“It’s my family business. He shouldn’t have,” he looks up, faces him. His eyes are burning. “So? Still think it’s bullshit?”

 

Seongwoo shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t believe in this sort of stuff but. It is kinda alarming when someone tells you they’ve seen your name even before knowing you. I don’t know,” he pauses, looks away. There’s this silence that follows and Daniel lingers, holds on. Seongwoo’s hand is just there right by his side, so close to the point Daniel can feel his warmth. He closes his eyes. “Listen. If I’m going to die anyway, if my name was there even before we met, then this isn’t your fault, right? What is the point of we staying apart?”

 

Daniel scoffs. “Are you for real?”

 

“Yeah. I mean I rather spend my last month alive with you then knowing we could be together but we’re not because you’re some stubborn guilt-driven piece of shit.”

 

Daniel could punch him. He could push him away, scream him to go. That’s how angry Daniel feels right now, how pissed off. “Get out. Seriously. Just get out.”

 

“What?” Seongwoo asks and his voice rises. Daniel can feel the ring of fear then, he can feel the tone of despair. It hurts. It hurts him so bad. “My name is on the damn book and you’re in love with me already, aren’t you? I know you are. I’m in love with you too. I don’t care. If I’m going to die anyway, so-”

 

“Shut up!” Daniel shouts, places both hands on his head, “Shut the fuck up!”

 

“Why are you so-,” Seongwoo groans out of frustration. “It’s not you who’s dying!”

 

“Yeah, but it feels like it!”

 

Seongwoo opens his mouth, but he doesn’t say anything. He stops and there’s this look on his face that makes Daniel look away, stay away. He hugs his knee against his chest, tries to stay as physically distant as he can. He wants to apologize. He wants to kneel down and say that he’s sorry, that he never meant to fall this hard, that he never meant to put him in danger. That if he could he’d go back, he’d go all the way back, he would never meet him. But he feels Seongwoo’s forehead against his knee, feels him leaning in until he’s leaning against him. Daniel doesn’t move. He doesn’t do a thing.

 

“I,” Seongwoo starts, breathes in, “I know this sounds weird. I know, okay? But I don’t care. I don’t. We can do something about this. I know we can. I just wanna be with you. Is that too much to ask?”

 

Daniel shakes his head.  _ It is _ , he wants to say.  _ Of course, it is _ .

 

“Please,” it’s what he says instead, “Leave.”

 

It takes him a minute, but Seongwoo stands up. He doesn’t say a word on his way out.

When the door closes, Daniel breaks down.

 

-

 

It’s already night when Jisung shows up.

 

Daniel feels a hand on his hair and he looks up, wakes up from his slumber. He closes his eyes again, shuts them off. The room is dark, too dark, but he knows who it is just by the feeling of his fingertips against his hair. “You shouldn’t have told him.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jisung says, and Daniel knows he’s being honest, “But he showed up and he was so confused, Niel. He thought that all there was to it was that once you heard your mom telling you a curse and you took it too far. He didn’t know how serious it was for you.”

 

“I told him.”

 

“But he didn’t listen. I know. Remember how hard it was for me to believe it too? I only believed it when I saw it. Not everyone grew up with magic like you, Niel.”

 

Daniel rises, sits down by Jisung’s side. He allows his friend to caress his hair, to fix his clothes. He allows himself to be comforted even if he doesn’t think he deserves it. 

 

“I fucked up,” he says and Jisung sighs and Daniel can feel how exhausted he is. Now that his eyes are getting used to the light he can see him on his side, looking at him with attentive eyes, black circles making them look puffy. “I fell in love.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I shouldn’t have.”

 

“I know. But you knew it was going to happen sooner or later, Niel. A curse is always fulfilled.”

 

“No,” he closes his eyes, “I should’ve been more careful.”

 

“You were. You warned him, and you tried to stay away. But his name was there even before you met him. It was fate. There was nothing you could do. You tried. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not,” Daniel says and his voice breaks. He leans his face on his hands, stays that way until the knot in his throat eases at least a little bit. At least enough for him to speak. “I’m so. I’m so sorry.”

 

They stay in silence for a while. Until Daniel feels Jisung’s hand on his own, looks up, allows him to caress his palm. They stay like that for a while and Daniel’s eyes fall on Jisung’s tattoo, on the number  _ one _ written on his forearm. One. Wasn’t it two? He feels like it used to be two, but he’s not sure anymore. Everything is hazy, foggy around the memories. But he remembers two, and also three. He remembers other numbers tattooed on his friend’s skin but every time he tries to remember it made his head hurts. 

 

“I wish I’ve never met him,” he says and his hands are shaking. Jisung holds it tighter. “I wish I never met him so he could live his life well. He’d live and I wouldn’t feel this… This guilt.”

 

Jisung doesn’t say a thing.

 

“I wish I could just go back in time and never see his name on that damn book. Fuck,” he breaks down, shoves his palms on his eyes until it hurts. He hears Jisung telling him not to do this, that he’s hurting himself, holding his wrists away from his face. When he looks up there’s this weird feeling about him.

 

“Do you really mean what you just said?” He asks and he’s serious. Daniel feels tears burning hot in his eyes.

 

“Yeah,” he replies truthfully, voice low. “I’d do anything. If there was any way to break this fucking curse, I’d do anything. I don’t even know what my mother means by a sacrifice, but I’d do it. I’d do anything.”

 

“You’d sacrifice anything?” Jisung asks, and he’s still holding Daniel’s wrists. The boy nods as tears stream down his face and suddenly he feels this sharp, horrible pain in his chest. He stares at Jisung as his friend lets go of his hands. He is smiling, Daniel notices, but it feels sad. He doesn’t understand why he’s smiling in such a heartbreaking way. “Anything, Daniel?”

 

“Anything. I,” he pauses, tries to look on Jisung’s eyes but there’s something in them that makes him ache. He doesn’t know what is happening. He feels like he’s missing a very important piece of a very important puzzle. “Why are you asking this?”

 

“You want to go back and never meet him?” Jisung asks again, as if making sure. “You know what that means. You would never see him. Never have him in your life. Would that be okay?”

 

“I just want him to be well. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it? I don’t care what happens to me, I just…”

 

He trails off and Jisung smiles. He smiles that smile that always catches Daniel off guard, always makes him wonder if anyone else has ever smiled at him like that. And it hurts. Daniel doesn’t know why but it hurts.

 

“Your heart is too soft for your own good, Niel,” Jisung says and pinches Daniel’s cheek just like he used to do when they were kids. The sigh he lets out then is one that seems to come from deep within, exhausted. Completely exhausted. “Seriously, Niel. The shit I do for you. Fucking seriously. Ah,” he sighs again, pauses, pensive, as though some deep realization just hit him, “Maybe that’s what your mother meant when she said I was going to save lives. Well. Doesn’t matter.”

 

“What do you mean?” Daniel furrows his brows, the ache in his chest rises. But Jisung is smiling again, shushing him. Suddenly Daniel remembers, he doesn’t know when or how, but he remembers: Jisung telling him to stay quiet just like right now, a finger above his lips, telling him everything would be okay, that he’d fix everything. He remembers him touching the number four in his forearm and then suddenly they were gone. He doesn’t understand where that memory came from. Was it a dream? “What are you-”

 

“Can you promise me something?" Jisung asks, cuts him off, and Daniel notices his hands are trembling. He's not even listening. "You’ll remember me, right? I’m okay with the whole disappearing business as long as  _ you  _ remember,” He asks and Daniel feels hollow, empty, and also completely confused. Like that feeling when you know something horrible is about to happen but you don’t know what. There’s something awful about his room, about how dark it is, about how he can’t see Jisung properly. Something devastating about his voice, about the way it sounds like he’s saying goodbye.  Daniel can't understand what the hell is going on and yet he feels like he already has been here before. He already went through this. “You won’t forget me. Promise.”

 

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about-”

 

“Promise me!”

 

“How could I ever forget you, Jisung?” Daniel says, voice cracking. Jisung closes his eyes. “Why? Why would I? What the hell is going on?” he says but Jisung doesn’t reply. He’s all too focused in pulling his sleeves up again, touching the number one tattoo in his forearm.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jisung says, and he’s being honest, “I should’ve told you earlier, but you know me, right? So forgetful. There's no more time now, though,” he smiles, his finger pressuring his tattoo a little harder. Daniel feels this twist on his stomach as if something is pulling him out. Out of his own body. “But it’s okay. Let’s get you back then. Let’s save him.”

 

For a second there, for the fraction of a millisecond Daniel swears Jisung is crying.

And that the number in his forearm quickly turns to zero.

 

-

 

They say the only way to show someone you really love them is through sacrifice.

Coincidentally, it’s also the only way to break a curse.

 

Jisung smiles, closes his eyes. He always liked those sort of fateful coincidences. 

 

He guesses he should’ve told him before. Daniel’s mom always told him to just hurry and tell him. Tell him that meeting him was fate. Tell him that Daniel wasn’t the only one dwelling with magic here and there. Telling him that once, years ago, Jisung found out his own magic while going back in time to save this little boy from drowning. This little boy that would save his life over and over again.

 

But time’s over now. He has no more turns, no more bets to gamble 

 

One last ride and he’s gone. One last time.

All things come to an end. He had six turns and he used all of them.

That does make him feel a little blue.

 

But it’s for him. So that’s okay.

  
He presses the number on his skin for what will be his last time.

Yoon Jisung goes on his last trip with a smile. 

 

-

 

It’s summer and the year is 2017.

 

Daniel is an ordinary boy, living an ordinary life, filled with uneventful events and things that are not all that special — except for one thing:

 

He has a very weird and awkward mole on his thigh.

 

He grows up lonely, the son of a psychic woman, who is the daughter of a psychic woman. Growing up with magic all around is weird though also fantastic. But also lonely.

 

But Daniel does what he has to. He grows up, he goes to college. In the summer of 2017, he eats watermelons and helps his grandmother with the garden. Once it’s over he goes back to town, back to the apartment he shares with Lim Youngmin, a quiet kid he met in college. He has friends now, many of them, but he still feels lonely. Like something is missing. Daniel always feels like there’s a void in his heart, a hole in his chest reminding him of something he lost and he doesn’t know what it is. But he’s always looking. Always searching.

 

And in nights like these, it feels worse. Nights where he stays on his late night shift in the library, the lack of sleep because of exams weighing on him. Daniel doesn’t even notice that he’s falling asleep on his notebook until he feels a tap on his shoulder.

 

He looks up. There’s a black haired boy in front of him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says, there’s a shadow of a smile on his lips. He has three moles on his cheek. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wow. you read it all. i'm so thankful!! so honored!! you're a champion!
> 
> first, i'm really honestly thankful to [jongins](/users/jongins) and [unbalancedlove](/users/unbalancedlove) for reading over this fic and fixing all my stupid mistakes. thanks for making it seem like i know how to write in english!  
> also thank you for fer and lettie for holding my hand and telling me not to delete this fic. you guys have been my inspiration for years!
> 
> second, idk who noticed, but this fic was heavily inspired by the raven cycle and the girl who leapt through time!
> 
> thank you so much for reading!! i hope you enjoyed reading as much as i enjoyed writing it!!


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